Today is Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, when shops in America offer discounts and everyone tramples on each other. Somehow this has made its way to the UK. This is what people in the UK imagined it would be like.
This is what Americans think it's like in the UK.
This is what it SHOULD be like in the UK, the home of queuing.
But the reality is far worse, as illustrated by this stampede at Wembley Asda.
Here is a woman buying three TVs.
This was the scene in Blackpool at MIDNIGHT.
View this video on YouTube
This was someone offering to see a fellow shopper outside, presumably not for a pleasant chat.
Even Batman and Bane were getting involved down at Tesco.
Just got back from @Tesco, it's unbelievable how angry everyone is #BlackFriday #AnatchyintheUK
Not all Brits have shopping fever, however.
I queued outside my newsagent from 4am to grab a newspaper to read about how absolutely boring #BlackFriday is
The real special offer was on personal injuries.
Many, many people are confused by the whole thing.
Wow the shops will be open again after the Thanksgiving holiday! Must go shopping! oh wait... I live in ENGLAND. #BlackFriday
I believe #BlackFriday should downgraded to Grey Friday in England. More in keeping...
There were cheerleaders in Asda. Cheerleaders. In Asda.
It didn't take long for the spoof deals to arrive.
This #blackfriday thing is amazing! http://t.co/GHcBjoFiUi
ASDA are doing 63% off all children up to the age of 7. Limited stocks. #BlackFriday
John Lewis heroin starter kits, £50 off. Limited stock. #BlackFriday
Apples - free when you buy a thong from Boots. #BlackFriday
It was getting rough in Tesco.
Tesco was rough this morning ! #BlackFriday
Even a simple trip to Greggs was hard work.
Just popped to Greggs for a pasty. #BlackFriday
Whereas in Morrisons it was pretty much business as usual.
Black Friday sales in Morrisons are fucking MENTAL!
There was much class-ridden discussion about the choice of riot location.
To paraphrase Alan Bennett, “Black Friday riots in Sainsbury’s? I mean, Tesco you could understand.”
Lots of Americans were apologising to us for the whole thing.
@BuzzFeedUK @BuzzFeed I'd like to apologize to the rest of the world on behalf of the entire nation of America
And now comes the soul-searching over what we've become.
Congratulations UK, you've become South Park. #BlackFriday
What does it MEAN?
Awesome teenage blackfridayuk angst RT @bendywiggs: #BlackFriday #
Can't we get back to what Black Friday is all about?
#BlackFriday's too commercial these days, I feel we've lost its true meaning.
Try not to forget the real story of Black Friday, when Jesus stormed the temple and punched an old man in the face for 20% off a Nespresso.
May we suggest this as a wise strategy today.
Great savings to be had By not buying anything today