13 Sex Tips That Shouldn’t Be Attempted By Anyone

Want to spice up your love life? Don’t do any of these. This is very NSFW.

1. Why not treat his schlong like a ping pong ball.

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2. What could possibly go wrong?

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3. Pretend to be surprised by his member.

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4. Because there is no sexier phrase than “I’m going to give you a vaginal thumbprint.”

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5. Spice things up a little – literally.

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6. Combine sexy time with snack time by introducing a donut to the bedroom.

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7. Become a sexy hand dryer.

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8. Turn her on, somehow, by shouting down the phone.

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9. Don’t break the skin or anything.

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10. Basically, shake his balls.

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11. Put her in a sexy burrito / straitjacket.

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12. Paint your own weird sex game.

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13. “Facial intercourse”.

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Patrick Smith is a senior reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
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