1. Cereal has a lot of trouble staying in the bowl.
And it’s also often rainbow-colored.
2. You own plates that are shaped like Mickey Mouse’s head.
And you have no idea how to get the darn pictures to not wash off.
3. You live your life to the constant theme music of kids’ TV.
And really, really need to know where Max and Ruby’s parents are.
4. You can never find your shoes…
5. Until you do.
6. Nothing in those potties grosses you out.
You’re just happy you bought the bowls too big to fall in all the way.
7. Because you know you clean them every day.
Even though it’s freaking nasty. Why can’t children be born potty trained?
8. You understand the importance of a lovey.
No matter what happens to it.
If only adults could be so non-judgmental, right?
9. You know what “inside snow” means.
10. You hide all glitter on the top shelf.
11. And curse yourself when you forget to do the same for the markers.
Thank goodness for Magic Eraser.
12. Your silverware drawer looks like this:
Because kids can figure out child-proof, but they cannot magically grow three feet to reach the cabinets up there.
13. Urinating is a royal occasion.
And if on a toilet-like apparatus, a cause for great celebration!
14. You understand the intricacies of attempting to wipe.
And reward them for trying to fix the never-ending-toilet-paper-roll problem they were having.
15. You’re always out of aluminum foil.
And let’s not even start on the plastic wrap.
16. This is as clean as your bathroom sink gets.
Ick. Why can’t they just use the step-stool you put in there?
17. You can never find your camera.
So they do know how to use the step-stool.
18. You have pounds of silly putty in storage.
And you’re still plotting ways to get back at your sister-in-law for her “thoughtful” gifts.
19. You know how hard it is to sleep in a bed for a kid.
Unless it’s your bed.
20. Your carpets look like they haven’t been cleaned since 1987.
But you just steamed them last week!
21. You understand that toys get hungry.
Why with the butter and the Elmo, kids? Why?
22. This is clean.
No, seriously. You should see messy.
23. You know that child shoes are really word problems…
If the right shoe leaves the foot at two miles and hour and travels twelve inches, and the left shoe leaves the foot 30 minutes later and travels seven feet from secondary location (t2), then…you will never find both shoes at the same time.
24. You can see that this is a surprised man looking at a tiny elephant.
That is a true story. Who needs phone jacks and electrical outlets when imagination is so much cooler?
25. You spend more time putting stuff away than taking it out when you shop.
How many tubs of candy do they think you need anyway? Too bad for them the answer is zero.
26. You fail at breakfast.
If it’s not the cereal, it’s the cream of wheat. You just can’t win.
27. You know how to put sippy cups to good use.
Because everyone needs something to drink in a house with small children.