Why Google Is The Most Terrifying Thing Ever

8 scary thoughts about our future with Google. Now in 8-bit!!! posted on

1. ONE: Soon Google will change your point of view… Literally.

Google, we need to talk… You have become a bit of a creep lately.

Let’s get this straight, you’d like to turn us into augmented reality cyborgs? AND we’d pay for it!?

3. Semi-Relevant Apocalypse Quote

“I’m giving you a choice. Either put on these glasses, or start eating that trash can.”
― Roddy Rowdy Piper, They Live

4. TWO: Future-Google will be totally unavoidable

From when Android pulls you from slumber, till you hit the pillow again Google follows you everywhere.

Google’s targeted ads would soon shimmy into all the little boring moments of your day. Your life now comes with commercial breaks. SCORE!!! Free entertainment!

5. Oddly-Relevant Freedom Quote

“If Mr. McMurphy doesn’t want to take his medication orally, I’m sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don’t think that he would like it.”
― Nurse Ratched, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

6. THREE: Coming Soon! Google Free-Will

Let’s face it, Google spoon-feeds you all the information your hungry mind desires.
Forget about making actual choices, its all been pre-determined by Google algorithms.

7. Scary-Relevant Matrix Quote

“I know this steak doesn’t exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss.”
― Cypher, The Matrix

8. FOUR: Google Already knows everything about you

Ask yourself who knows you better, Google or your best friend?

You slip in and out of Chrome’s incognito mode easily. Friends and family don’t know, but Google knows. Google never forgets.

9. Irrelevant Quote

“Remember those sweet, warm New England summers? Remember sipping lemonade underneath a shady tree? […] Pepperidge Farm remembers.”
― Pepperidge Farm Guy, Family Guy

10. FIVE: What was privacy like daddy?

Wait when did I like THAT? Google knows you so intimately, how long before Google’s pre-emptive decision making matrix makes human decisions obsolete?

11. Obligatory Orwellian Quote

“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”
― George Orwell, 1984

12. SIX: Taking over your identity

Can you recall the Google Plus profile you accidentally signed up for? Well, now you’re FAMOUS!

Google will soon put users names, faces, and content in its ads.

13. We’re in Too Deep Quote

“We can destroy what we have written, but we cannot unwrite it.”
― A Clockwork Orange

14. SEVEN: Total Control

Google has already started patenting human gestures… What sinister plans do they have for “heart-hands”?

Perhaps you want to find your friends and cutesy heart-hands would conveniently send Google Earth piloted drones to find your loved ones.

You will wonder how you ever lived before Google. Convenience with a heavy dose of dependence.

15. Ricktatorship Quote

“Go on, there’s the door. You can do better. Lets see how far you get. No takers? Fine. But get one thing straight… you’re staying. This isn’t a democracy anymore.”
― Rick Grimes, The Walking Dead

16. EIGHT: Google-Pocalypse

“He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.”
― George Orwell, 1984

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