1. Sea-Life Turned Crime Fighters
Reigning Champion: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Underdog: Street Sharks
Case for the contender: You would actually wear a street sharks tie-die shirt today. No? Just me?
3. Quirky Science Show
Reigning Champion: Bill Nye the Science Guy
Underdog: Beakman’s World
Case for the contender: Real nostalgia takes you back 15 years.
Not 5 minutes ago when you saw them on dancing with the stars.
Underdog: String Thing
Case for the contender: Combines fruit snacks and spaghetti.
7. Sniffable School Supplies
Reigning Champion: Mr. Sketch Scented Markers
Underdog: Scratch ‘n Sniff Stickers
Case for the contender: So awesome you can smell them off of your screen. Plus they meant you got a good grade OR sat still.
Case for the contender: Umm you literally farted and picked your nose to victory.
What can mario do? Eat flowers?
Underdog: Sound Bites
Case for the contender: Sneakily tried to get this for Mother’s Day. Still see nothing wrong with that.
13. Relatable Saturday Morning Cartoon
Reigning Champion: Doug.
Underdog: Pepper Ann
Case for the contender: She was too cool for 7th grade, JUST like you.
15. Outdated Music Modes
Reigning Champion: 8-Bit / Chiptunes / Game Boy Music
Underdog: Midi music
Case for the contender: Sure 8-bit has the star power… But Midi brings you BACK.
Underdog: Pony Boy Cap Guns
Case for the contender: You felt like a cowboy holding these. I’ll never live up to my five-year-old expectations of becoming a cowboy.
Underdog: Planet Lunch Packs
Case for the contender: A giant variety pack of chips. Am I the only one who saved Fritos for last? Am I the only one who put these chips between bread to spice up my normally weird and ethnic lunches?
Underdog: Creepy Crawlers
Case for the contender: They were having fun in the commercial. Why can’t we ever have fun?
Even more important why couldn’t they make easy bake for boys? Or at least in blue?
23. 90’s Doodler of Choice
Reigning Champion: Etch-a-Sketch
Case for the contender: You look at it right now and you want to paint it black, then erase, don’t you?
25. Unnece-scarily Baggy Pants
Reigning Champion: JNCO Jeans
Underdog: UFO Pants
Case for the contender: Wearing these only once to the middle school dance made you cool for one night.
27. Lo-Tech Handheld Gaming
Reigning Champion: Get the ring on the thing water game.
Underdog: Get the ball in the hole cube game.
Case for the contender: Definitely the oddest thing you got in a Piñata.
Case for the contender: Spread. Lick. Eat. Repeat
31. Ordinary Gum in Extraordinary Packages
Reigning Champion: Ouch Bubble Gum
Underdog: Bubble Beeper
Case for the contender: Distributing these on the blacktop made you four-year-old Tony Montana.
Underdog: Snapple Elements
Case for the contender:
Please get the point… I don’t want Donald Trump to sell me a beverage. I want my Snapple Rain back. Perhaps back then we were not ready, or worthy perhaps. But we have grown as a people.
Also, please bring back the Boston Tea Party labels. Do this and I will stop drinking Arizona.