The 10 Emotions We All Experience In Primark

Rage, third world guilt, unexpected legwarmer lust, repeat.

Hooray, it’s time for a trip to Primark, Valhalla of unexpected fashion bargains!

Dan Kitwood / Getty
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Fancy an entire new wardrobe? Got a spare 50p? PRIMARK!

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However. When shopping in Primark you will run the gamut of emotions, so beware.

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1. First you will be overcome by awe and wonder.

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Look at all the pretty things!

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And look how cheap they all are!

£1! You’d better buy this pink thing now, and figure out what it actually is later.

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The endless parade of unbelievably cheap clothing soon overwhelms you.

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You go into a weird colour and texture-based trance.

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When you come to, you’re carrying 20 identical onesies and have no idea where your friends are.

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Which is when the next emotion hits…

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2. Panic.

Current status: sitting in the control pants section of Oxford Street Primark, rocking back and forward to calm myself #PanicSaturday

— Dora Somerville (@doraexploring) December 21, 2013

SOS - Lost in Reading Primark

— CJ Tee (@chickenoriental) December 28, 2013
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You think you last saw your friends in the knitwear section.

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But now the knitwear section looks like this:

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#britishproblemsnight walking round primark but browsing for clothes on the floor because they’ve all fallen

— josie (@narryspizzzaaa) December 28, 2013
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Lingerie is a bombsite.

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And you rule out checking the fitting rooms.

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But suddenly…

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3. Hope.

Wait - what’s that over there?

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Could it be…. replica couture? Quick! Rush over there before someone else spots it!

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But invariably you will next feel…

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4. Disappointment.

Actually, you know what? It’s not so impressive close-up. Seriously, what were you expecting? This is Primark.

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5. Then there’s the rage.

Primark is the most horrific store ever. It’s always 100 degrees and packed with ill-mannered people

— Jake Bennett (@Jake_Bennett) December 28, 2013

There’s never a place a man can stand in peace in Primark without being in the way! #nuisance

— Rammo (@AndyRammo) December 28, 2013

How the hell do people shop in Primark!! TOO MANY PEOPLE! #Dying #Stress #HatingLife

— Jess North (@_jessnorth) December 28, 2013
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So much rage.

I hate shopping in primark everyone walks too slow and i just saw someone wearing pauls boutique

— lesterslions (@lesterslions) December 30, 2013

How the hell are you trying to flirt with me whilst rummaging through the reduced rail in Primark? #no

— Bea (@Habbibaaa) December 30, 2013
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6. Oh, and the guilt.

Oli Scarff / Getty
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And it’s not that you don’t care. It’s just that fleece-lined tights are £3.50 and you’re only human goddamnit.

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7. The next emotion you’ll probably experience is disbelief. There is so much to not believe in Primark.

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For instance, it looks like fake bums are now a thing.

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And how have you managed to do without Aztec elbow-patch Bambi pyjamas for so long?

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Also, er, apparently this.

it actually smelt like vagina in primark

— ~Radioactive~ (@f0rever_wild) December 28, 2013
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8. ANYWAY. The next emotion you will experience is queueing.

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Queueing is an emotion when you’re British.

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There’ll probably be some of this.

Standing in Primark next to a woman with 3 teeth, standard

— Harry (@HaichEllDubya) December 28, 2013
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And this.

Everytime I go in a primark there is at least 7 babies crying. Is there some unwritten rule?

— Hanni R-B (@HanniRB) December 28, 2013
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But finally, partly fuelled by Haribo, you will arrive at the checkout.

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9. Where triumph kicks in! You’ve bought five million things for the cost of a decent pair of jeans in another store. Because you are a GENIUS.

FYI, in the Republic of Ireland, Primark is called Penneys.

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Check it out! You got these brogues for a tenner!

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And these press-on nails for only £1!

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And let’s not forget your new improved bottom.

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Hmm? What’s that? Your paper Primark bags have split in the rain?

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Your Primark leggings aren’t quite as opaque as you thought?

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AND you could have bought half that stuff online without even having gone to Primark?

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That’s fine. That’s totally fine. That just takes us to the tenth traditional Primark-related emotion.

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10. Buyer’s remorse.

Dan Kitwood / Getty
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Happy shopping!

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