1. You pretend to hold the elevator when someone asks you to.
2. You can't name any of your Senators, but you can name all of your Real Housewives.
3. You don't warn people about stuff like this.
4. This is practically an instinct when you see someone from work outside of work.
5. And this is how you handle seeing an ex.
6. You never refill the Brita after you drink from it.
7. When you stink up a room you blame it on someone else.
8. You post spoilers on Facebook literally the second something important happens on a show.
9. You're not always happy for your friends.
10. In fact, you can't even pretend to be happy for certain people.
11. You walk a block ahead of people already hailing taxis so that you get picked up first.
12. You literally don't know what to do with other people's emotions.
13. This is how your boyfriend/girlfriend want to spend time together.
But you're more like...
14. This is how you tell people you keep up with the news...
15. But it's actually more like...
Which is cool, just don't front.
16. This makes you laugh.
17. Permanent bitchy resting face.
18. You HATE when people jwalk! Unless, of course, it's you.
19. Your selfies are more often unironic than not.
20. You sit like this on the train so no one sits next to you.
21. You never order your own french fries.
22. You leave the toothpaste like this.
23. Mirror face.
But don't worry.
See you in hell :)
