The Jonah Ryan Guide To Being A Complete Douchebag

Veep’s biggest jerk illustrates exactly what not to do.

Here’s the 20-part Jonah Ryan guide to being a douchebag.

1. Display an attitude of superiority and an inflated sense of self at work.

HBO

2. Have a knack for using horrible pickup lines.

Via HBO

3. Simply refuse to accept the fact that people really just don’t like you.

HBO / Via giphy.com

4. Brag about your life credo (and where you have it tattooed).

niketalk.com / Via HBO

Work hard, play hard, bitches.

5. Hit on people with whom you have absolutely no chance.

HBO / Via giphy.com

6. Give orders to people who hate you like this:

HBO / Via giphy.com

7. Make people uncomfortable with your Madras shorts.

HBO / Via screencrush.com

8. Refrain from washing your hands after going to the bathroom in order to increase your chances of picking up a lady friend.

HBO / Via atrl.net

9. Hit on someone while that person is on a date, in front of that person’s date.

HBO

He’s not mentally ill, if that’s what you’re implying.

10. Get creative when you address people.

11. Go in for the awkward embrace.

HBO / Via complex.com

12. Rub your coworker’s impending doom in his or her face.

HBO / Via shaggybevo.com

13. Deliver more bad pickup lines.

14. Ask bad questions.

HBO / Via uproxx.com

15. Drop inappropriate film references.

HBO

16. Get a little artful and disgusting when sizing up what needs to be done in a situation.

HBO / Via giphy.com

17. Get in touch with your visceral side.

HBO / Via uproxx.com

“This is like being operated on by a chimp with a hard-on and a hacksaw!”

18. If you get fired, insult people’s moms.

tumblr.com / Via veephbo.tumlr.com

19. Run a news blog while knowing nothing about journalism.

“OK, but we just, we put it out there. And then something will arrive that backs it up, right? That’s just Journalism 101.”

20. And when all else fails, straight up demand respect.

giphy.com / Via HBO

Finally, the most important thing to remember about Jonah?

HBO / Via wonkette.com

He’s the world’s biggest single-celled organism. J Diddy, ladies get giddy. Or not. Definitely not.

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

This post was created by a member of BuzzFeed Community, where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!

          
    Now Buzzing