This article did makeavery valid point in highlighting the hypocrisy and sense of entitlement that exists amongasignificant portion of so-called nice guys. That being said, there isalegitimate problem that can arise when two people are inaclose relationship, yet with each person havingavery different view as to the nature of that relationship. Friendships between men and women (or any friendships with the possibility of sexual attraction) are just damn difficult.Ihave seen in my own life and among my friends, the problems that can arise when one person develops romantic feelings for another person and those feelings are not shared. In fact, one of the clearest examples was that ofafemale friend of mine. Overaperiod ofacouple years, she was very close friends with another guy in our social circle. There wasalot of flirting,alot of time spent together, an uncomfortable amount of playful physical contact with one another, etc-but never anything more. And these were people in their mid-20s. It should have been clear to the guy that my friend was interested in something more (to be fair, she never said anything), but he was happy for the attention and said nothing until she finally pressed the issue.
Ithink this is part of the problem with many genuine nice guys and girls, they are either too shy or don’t have the same emotional intelligence as most people, and when they fall for someone who is either outright manipulative or also lacks emotional intelligence, they are bound for disappointment. The genuine ones might also not rush to ask someone out because they are respecting certain boundaries – e.g. the person isacoworker, they just got out of another relationship, etc.
Ithink our challenge as mature people is to both set appropriate boundaries and to just be honest with people. It is easy to criticize “nice guys” who turnasimple hello intoamarriage proposal, but it is much harder to set boundaries with someone who is giving you lots of attention and emotional support. Realize that part of the reason you may really like the person asafriend is because that person is putting way more time and energy into your relationship than any other in their life, all because they see the potential for something special. While you are by no means obligated to sleep with someone who is nice to you,Ido believe that whenaperson willingly accepts another person’s friendship and attention, we do our best to treat them with respect and honesty. Real friendships involve mutual give and take, not out of obligation, but from shared affection. If someone is way more into the friendship (and probably interested in something more), be courageous enough to be honest with them. Or, to put it one way, please have the decency to be the asshole. Letting someone down easily is notagift, becauseabroken heart usually screws withaperson’s ability understand subtlety. And remember,alot of genuinely nice people are also emotionally stupid. Is it fair that you have to be the bigger person and have to risk hurting someone’s feelings? Maybe not, but honesty is the price we pay for letting people into our lives. So please, the next time you reject someone, beajerk about it. From younger me, thanks!