1. The Quinceañera wearing a bright, large, and spectacular dress.
But extremely uncomfortable.
2. El sonidero who keeps interrupting his own music by mumbling some random DJ stuff into a microphone every 10 seconds.
::music plays:: –Estamos celebrando– ::music plays:: –el cumpleanos– ::music plays:: –de la– ::music plays:: –Quinceañera– ::music plays:: FML!!!
3. RIDICULOUSLY LOUD MUSIC PLAYING WHILE YOU EAT.
Totally sucks for the people eating right next to the speakers.
5. Obnoxious multi-colored disco lights.
6. “Amor Eterno” as the default soundtrack for the father/daughter dance. EVERY TIME.
7. People GETTING DOWN on the dance floor to some Sonora Dinamita.
This is the night you learn your 65-year-old tio could WORK. THAT. ASS.
8. The musical switch between cumbias and merengue to hip-hop and bumpin’ and grindin’ jams.
Because, you know…teenagers.
9. Coditos and beans SOMEHOW make their way onto your plate.
10. “Quinceañera” will always be playing at the reception:
11. Your mom always wants you to take the recuerdo home.
12. Chambelanes who are clearly over it.
14. That uncle who totally nailed this whole fashion thing.
15. Someone’s cute little brother who dominated men’s fashion.
17. Videographers who record pretty much EVERYTHING.
YOU SEE THAT GUY RUNNING? E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
18. Photographers who will take a million photos that will wind up in a binder somewhere.
You will never see them again.
19. Photo op in front of a church.
21. Photo op in front of a random fountain in a park.
22. Photo op with EVERY SINGLE padrino and madrina.
Note: There’s a padrino and madrina for absolutely everything including HER SHOES.
23. Photo op with that cousin, who for some reason, feels the urge to throw up a gang sign.
Because your cousin’s Quinceñera photo op is CLEARLY the time to “represent.”
24. Never-ending kisses on the cheek at the reception.
When your mom says you gotta say “thank you” to everyone, she means it.
25. A giant meringue cake.
Because quantity does not always equal quality.
28. Little children running around the dance floor being a bunch of mocosos dando un chingo de lata – iHIJOS DE SU MADRE! iAHORITA VAN A VER!
29. Cute toddlers dancing with their tios on the dance floor.
30. The dreaded “waltz portion” of the reception where the Quinceañera dances choreographed routines with her damas and chambelanes.
Real talk: NO ONE enjoys this.
31. Forced traditions like the father awkwardly changing the Quinceanera’s high heels to signify the “transition into womanhood.”
32. You’ll see the Quinceañera awkwardly lifted in the air because why the fuck not.
33. The part of the night where EVERY SINGLE FAMILY MEMBER waltzes with the Quinceañera.
If you got at least hundred people, and each dance lasts 30 seconds – DO THE MATH.