37 Thoughts A Minority In A Hoodie Has While Shopping In Beverly Hills

SMDH. So this happened to me.

1. Whoa! It feels a bit chilly! ::puts on hoodie::

2. What do I feel like listening to today?
3. I could listen to 2Pac or I could listen to the Sunday in the Park with George Soundtrack. This is a hard choice.
4. Sunday in the Park with George it is!
5. Damn it! My left ear bud is out!

6. I need some new ear buds.
7. Oh, look! A drugstore!
8. They gotta have some headphones, right?
9. TO THE DRUGSTORE!

10. Oh. They’re locked in a glass case.

11. I’ll just push this handy-dandy button that says “CUSTOMER SERVICE” on it.

::pushes button::

12. I guess I’ll just wait here.

::elevator music::

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Security Guard #1: “Excuse me, sir. Could I help you?”
ME: “Oh. I’m just waiting for someone to unlock this so I can buy some headphones.”
Security Guard #1: “Did you push the button?”
ME: “Yup. I did.”

::Security Guard #1 leaves::

13. Hmmm.

::pushes button again::
::elevator music::

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Security Guard #2: “Excuse me, sir. Could I help you?”
ME: “Uhhh. Just waiting for someone to help me out. I just want to buy some headphones.”
Security Guard #2: “Did you push the button?”
ME: “…Yes.”

::Security Guard #2 leaves::

14. Hmmm. That was weird.
15. OK. Where is this “customer service” person? I seriously need these headphones.

::approaches a cashier lady::

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ME: “Hello. I want to buy some headphones.”
Cashier: “Push the button and someone will come to you.”
ME: “I pushed it but no one came.”
Cashier: “Push it again.”

::pushes button::
::Both security guards now appear to “browse” through items that are conspicuously close to the headphone area::

16. Are these security guards shopping while on the job?
17. Maybe they’re looking for items to buy later?
18. Maybe they’re really interested in cheap alarm clocks?

::Security Guard #1 stares right at me::

19. For some reason, I don’t feel welcome here.
20. Is he… staring at me?

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Security guard #1: “Son, you’ve been here for awhile now.”

21. Did this motherfucker just call me “son”?

ME: “Uh. I pushed the button. The cashier told me to wait here. So I’m waiting.”
Security Guard #2: “Are you giving us attitude?”
ME: “Nope. I just want to buy some headphones.”
Security Guard #1: “Do you mind opening your bag for us?”
ME: “Yup. I do mind.”
Security Guard #2: “Do you want us to call the cops?”

22. Cops? Why would he call the cops?!

ME: “I don’t see how calling the cops will help me buy some headphones.”
Security Guard #2: “Open your bag or we’ll be forced to call the cops.”

23. Is this really happening?
24. Are they serious?
25. Is this really fucking happening?
26. AGAIN?!

ME: “Dude. I’m just trying to buy some headphones.”
Security Guard #1: “Sir. Open your bag or we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

27. WHAAAAT?!

::Drugstore associate finally arrives, opens the case, and hands me some headphones::

::Security Guards walking close behind::

28. Are they… following me?

ME: “Guys. I know where the cashier is.”
Security guard #2: “If you got nothing to hide, this shouldn’t be a problem.”

::pays for headphones::
::leaves store::

29. I’m pissed.
30. I’m sad.
31. I’m shocked.
32. I’m confused.
33. I’m fuming.
34. I’m embarrassed.
35. I’m hurt.
36. I’m just…
37. Would this have happened to me if I were white?

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