In Defense Of Men Who Sit With Their Legs Wide Open

We’re not trying to be dicks. We just have them.

It’s time to address a super important issue that’s been plaguing society for a long time – Men who sit in public with their legs wide open aka “man sitting.”

Both men and women have been extremely antagonistic about these dudes, who are apparently the bane of everyone’s existence.

But I have to confess something: I AM ONE OF THESE DUDES.

Dreamworks

That’s right. I sit in public transit with my legs WIDE OPEN and I don’t give one solitary fuck who knows it.

We, men who “man sit,” are tired of your judgmental looks and well-worded rants. So here are the reasons why we spread our legs (Spoiler: It’s not because we’re dicks):

1. OUR BALLS NEED TO REST.

In between our legs we have these male reproductive organs otherwise known as a dick and balls. If we just had a dick, we wouldn’t be having this issue. Wide stances would cease to exist and everyone’s life would be filled with puppies and weed. But that’s not how nature made us. The reason we have a wide stance is because of our balls. It’s not our fault we have these things dangling between our legs.

2. For men who are pudgy, like me, we have thick thighs. So upon sitting down, our thighs WILL inevitably expand, mounting pressure upon our beloved balls.

20th Century Fox

Yes. Our fat thighs will begin to cave in on our testicles. Again, it doesn’t feel good. Oh, and we can’t help it. Sorry, but not sorry.

3. And, if we try and keep our legs closed, that puts quite a bit of strain on the balls, which is uncomfortable to say the least.

Balls are sensitive. They don’t like pressure. They don’t like being crushed by massive thighs. It doesn’t hurt but it’s seriously uncomfortable.

4. If we close our legs, and we’re wearing fitted pants, it looks like we got a BIG FUCKING BONER which is not (always) the case.

“Man sitting” helps reduce awkward fake boners. It’s not you, it’s my zipper.

5. Men have smaller, narrower ischium bones, which means we need more stability, hence why we sit with our legs open.

#Science.

So, to all the nay-sayers, WE DON’T “MAN SIT” TO BE DICKS!

Now, I’m not saying there aren’t dicks out there. They exist for sure. But not EVERYONE who “man sits” is a dick. We’re not all trying to flaunt our “male privilege.” We just want to be comfortable in a public setting, JUST LIKE YOU. And if you really think that our “man sitting” is causing you great pain and distress…

TELL US. Instead of giving us judgmental looks, act like a civilized human being and be like, “Yo. Do you mind scooting in a bit?”

Comedy Central

Seriously. Just say something if you’re really bothered by it. Don’t take a picture. Don’t tweet your complaint. Grow some balls or ovaries and tell the person what you really think.

In conclusion, sit whatever way you want and we’ll do the same. Read a book or something.

Disney

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