1. Your actual pants size is a mystery.
2. And low-waist jeans are your mortal enemy.
3. LOL if you thought belts were to be trusted.
4. Skinny jeans look great. It's the process of putting them on that's the problem.
5. And the wear and tear. But that's part of your style statement now.
6. Skirts are great except wearing an innocent pencil skirt makes you instantly NSFW.
7. And it's not like you can even wear them without at least three layers of spanx.
8. Leggings are your only friend.
9. You love heels but they accentuate your butt more than you think the world can handle.
10. Also do you realise that your lower back has never touched your bed?
11. You often get stuck trying to move past narrow spaces.
12. And have no control over whatever happens behind you.
13. You've unknowingly bumped into human beings as well.
14. And that's how you get mystery bruises on your behind.
15. Extreme butt-dialing is a real problem for you.
16. You're afraid of sitting in small paces because of stories like this.
17. And it's fine if your butt is falling out a chair as long as you're not stuck inside.
18. Catcalling is horrible anyway but it gets so much worse for women with a big booty.
19. Sometimes you get frustrated and need to go straight to the source.
20. But sometimes it can just lift your mood.
21. And least your kids are going to be geniuses.
22. And you wouldn't have it any other way.
