The Definitive Rankings Of Australian Universities

Cue total anarchy. This list combines official ranking, reputation, and overall satisfaction of students.

39. Southern Cross University

Its main campus in Lismore, New South Wales is located within 20 minutes of Nimbin, the weed capital of Australia. Connect A to B.

38. Victoria University

I guess they were too busy breathing a sigh of relief that they didn’t get the bottom spot and they forgot to study?

37. CQ University

One of its campuses is located within minutes of the Bundaberg Rum factory. Go figure.

36. Charles Sturt University

Try being friends with anyone from CSU on Facebook. Are these kids ever sober?

35. RMIT University

Rove McManus went here. At the beginning of Rove’s career he was critically panned and his show drew low ratings, but he improved down the track. RMIT, is that what you’re doing?

34. University of the Sunshine Coast

They might be low on the list, but they win in terms of having the best tan.

33. Australian Catholic University

If they taught science here they’d be much higher in the ranks.

32. Swinburne University of Technology

31. Macquarie University

Chris Lilley went here…and that’s about it.

30. Flinders University

Named after navigator Matthew Flinders which is ironic, as the university couldn’t even navigate itself into the top 10.

29. University of Canberra

Majority of people who go here applied by accident thinking it was ANU.

28. James Cook University

We think people just go here for an excuse to live in Cairns at the expense of the Australian tax payer.

27. Griffith University

26. University of Technology, Sydney

It tops the rankings for the ugliest building though.

25. Charles Darwin University

Maybe over time it will evolve into a better university.

24. Federation University

23. University of Southern Queensland

Mostly filled with students who still think they’re at schoolies.

22. Curtin University

Home to 37,005 undergrads. So basically the entire population of Western Australia.

21. University of Newcastle

We gotta give it to this university. They’re going pretty well considering some genius decided to build it in the middle of a mosquito infested swamp.

20. Murdoch University

*No association with Rupert.

19. University of Tasmania

Tasmania has a university?

18. La Trobe University

Even with a fancy name it couldn’t make it to La Top of the list.

17. University of South Australia

Currently accepting jokes as this is a difficult university to caption #JokesAboutUniSA

16. Edith Cowan University

Also ranked #1 in universities that no one has ever heard of.

15. Queensland University of Technology

Its motto is, “A university for the real world.” Which means they will train you up to be utterly disappointed when you start job searching with your useless degree.

14. University of Western Sydney

Tafe handed UWS the honour of being the butt of every joke from every other university in Sydney.

13. Bond University

Fun fact: The Marine starring WWE Superstar John Cena was filmed here.

12. Deakin University

Named after Australia’s second prime minister, Alfred Deakin. Classic Deakin, never being number one.

11. University of Notre Dame

*Not the college in America.

10. University of New England

If you’ve ever been to Armidale in the winter you know that you have no choice but to stay inside. So much study.

9. University of Sydney

Yes Sydney University, we do know who your father is.

8. Monash University

“I am still learning” is the motto of both this university and its graduates.

7. University of Queensland

Queensland’s top university is number seven in this list. Suppose they do have bragging rights over State of Origin at least.

6. University of Adelaide

The setting of every teen horror movie filmed in the ’90s.

5. University of New South Wales

Stairs, stairs everywhere.

4. University of Melbourne

You’re slipping Melbourne.

3. University of Western Australia

Out of nowhere!

2. University of Wollongong

In the top 2% of universities in the world, pretty impressive.

1. Australian National University

Suppose there’s not much else you can do in Canberra but study and make bad choices at the Light House once a week.

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