Feb. 14 started like any other day. I woke bursting with glee. IT WAS VALENTINE'S DAY, AND I WAS SINGLE AND FREE! :D
I ran downstairs to hang with my roommates, but to my displeasure they were already busy.
So yeah. Both my roommates are with their girlfriends.
I realised that I was once again single on Valentine's Day and all my friends were busy. I started to panic.
So I messaged a ~friend~ to see if she wanted to "hang out".
That didn't work out, but luckily I finally got a match on Tinder.
With everything failing I knew I was spending the day alone, so I decided to see a movie.
I shaved and put on a pro wrestling shirt, to remind myself why I'm single.
I arrived at the cinema and awkwardly purchased my ticket...for one.
This was really happening.
As expected, the cinema was full of couples...making me feel weird and lonely.
After the trailer for the new Vince Vaughn film...
...and a cleverly placed advertisement for an internet provider...
...we were ready to get this show on the road!!!
Oh here we go!!!! #50ShadesOfGrey
HAHAHAHA SHE OWNS A FLIP PHONE! SHE IS POOR!!!! #50ShadesOfGrey
Fifty minutes in, the first sex scene finally came.
People are looking at me weird during this sex scene… #50ShadesOfGrey
I should be writing down tips here. Christian’s love making is causing Ana to make noises that I’ve never heard from a girl #50ShadesOfGrey
I think I’m breathing too heavily… people are getting creeped out. #50ShadesOfGrey
But I couldn't do it! I left the movie early...feeling violated.
I didn’t need to sit through the whole movie to know that it deserved zero stars.
No like seriously. There was no sex for the first hour of the movie! Just awkward talking! So pretty much my dating life. #50ShadesOfGrey
And my biggest peeve still made me angry!!!
Why didn't Christian get Ana a new phone? What a povo c**t! #50ShadesOfGrey
At least when I got home, I saw something that made me feel better about being single.
One of my roommates is letting his girlfriend win on the Playstation. If this is what a relationship is, then I'm glad as fuck I'm single