Laz's Game Of Thrones Live Blog/Recap - Season 5 Episode 8

So the Stark boys will be a talking point for tonight's episode......interesting. Cue long ass intro (they should play the intro before the episode, and The True Detective Season 2 trailer now it keeps my attention much more efficiently) Am I the only one who really is sick of Mereen? (Thoughts when that pops up on the intro)

"HARDhome" (GOT loves sex so much phallic reference in the title?? Real sly GOT....smh))

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Lord Commander Jon Washingto......I mean Snow......LCJS ;)

Mereen (of course.....I had to say something womp womp)

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Great start - Dinklage front and center from the getgo - nice.

"Greatest Lannister killer of all time." If you don't say so yourself Half-Man! (Though addmiteddly he does have a good point)

Tyrion and Danny is the ultimate duo. I want this to happen.

T dog sticking up for Jorah? Word? Okay, that's curious after he kidnapped you but I guess since he saved your life you do owe him......I wonder what he advises.....I have so many questionsss #BurningThronqueries (Like Throner-Inquires Thronqueries hehe)

"He did not trust that you would be wise enough to know to forgive him."

Andddd the verdict: Jorah gets exiled the sequel: Dead Greyscaleman Walking (lets not forget that mortal wound with no cure he picked up in the river people."

Cersei Locked Up!

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Cersei getting butchslapped multiple times? This is quickly earning my own personal nomination for episode of the season."

#CerseiHadThisComing

#NoSympathy

Seriously, can you feel how much I loathe her? Good, let's move on.

Bravos: Arya no face is becoming skilled asfuq

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Quick image selection explanatory sidenote: I googled Arya the Assasin and this dope ass pic came up - tell me it's not dope? seriously, try to tell me......I doubledoggydare you!

This new girl/persona that Arya created is actually just an elaborate alias for an assasin mission? I'm diggin Bravos - for real it's becoming my favorite location this season.

Seems like AtA is scouting out a mark or a kill.....either way this is like Homeland on steroids (with the extremely notable exception that we actually care about and like the characters on GOT while they perform clandestine missions)

Arya is getting a #MurderBoner right now did you see the way her eyes lit up when she got that poison (or whatever that was). Am I paranoid? Cause my first thought was:

"Maybe that's not posion and it's just a test to see if she can get away with it undetected....."

I hope it's not a test - Arya ia a seasoned murderer now and shows no remorse. We shall see. #ConspiracyGOTheories

Cersei's torture the sequel: Creapy Qyburn - there will be a trial!

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Qyburn here to inform the ole Queen Mother that she will be put on trial for a tonnn of sh*t - see list of allegations:

-fornication (I think it'd be easier to ask - who hasn't she boned? #CerseiGetsAriound

-incest.......no need to comment

-murdering King Robert! - Dayum there's so much else goin on that I forgot she orchestrated that shit via her little cousin Lancel (now turned Lieutenant for the new Faith Army Religious nutsos)

Oh nowwww she wants her brother/lover Jamie? Cersei is the worst.......not just in GOT just ever - her whole character/existence s the worst ever.

Four letts come to mind C.......U.......N.......hmmmm canT rememebr The lasT leTTer....ohwell.

Qyburn says Cersei has to ask forgiveness to have any Chance (wait for it....) to receieve a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card (BOOM - Monopoloy reference - you're welcome) - my attempt at channeling Barney frmo HIMY, but I'm no NPH let's be honest.

Winterfell: Reek, Reek it rhymes with Weak (minor book reference #GOT_EductationalBlogging)

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Is this the poetic justice Drake and Kendrick were talking about? See below Reek-related revelations:

Theon Fleyjoy (see what I did there?) got stripped by Ramsey and Sansa stares his ass down like "yeah motherfu*ker I'd do the exact same thing to you right now if i could.

I like Stone Cold Sansa's new attitude.

"I deserved it, I did terrible things.....I turned on Robb......I captured WInterfell....." #LetItOutTHeon.......Reek? :(

Theon is confessing and I.......kinda.........want to.......okay okay I feel sorry for him for the first time ever (since when he got his weenie chopped tbh)

But him admitting Bran and Rickon are alive shows such a small glimmer of hope, so unlike you GOT hope is not a theme we see often.

Roose Bolton thinks to wait out a siege and let Stannis freeze to death.

Ramsey suggests hitting them first and hard, then says he can do it with 20 men. Hmmm what is that psychopathic-murderous-bastard scheming up now? I dont like this.

Deja Vu: Tyrion fighting for his life again

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I love Danny and Tyrion. Awesome.

"Some day if you decide mot to execute me, I'll tell you all about why I killed my father."

Tyrion likes Dannys choices and is really concerned for the kingdom you gotta admire that.

Dannys perked up at the name of Varys. "The Spider who passed secrets..." blah blah blah she has a prejudice against him.

Tyrion: "He is maybe the only person I trust in the entire world!" Awww Tyrion loves his Bromances #BronnDumpedHim

Ms Stormborn does not like Jamie, "The man who killed my father." Welll at least she admits she knows he was indeed aplty named "The Mad King"

Tyrion is accepted as an advisor. FUCKYES, Thank you GOT, thank you......for now I don't trust you at all.

Main topic: The Iron Throne. Ohhh juicyyyy, reminds me of the pork chop I have in the fridge.....eating that for sure after I finish this.

Do you want it.....forreal? - good question FatherSlayer, what is your response counselr Targaryen (In this scenario we're in a courtoom)

Dannys rebuttal: Your Honor, I will keep Mereen slaveless but it is not my home.

Sustained Danny.......sustained now get you, your dragons, your armies and your perfect self over to Westeros and conquer them.

BADASS QUOTE OF THE NIGHT goes to.......Danny! Congrats! - : "Im not going to stop the wheel, Im going to break the wheel." The Wheel being Westeros' wheel of houses fighting for power, it turns and turns to one hosue or another. She's gonna destroy the entire system. Awesome, hold on let me tuck this #Throner.....okay I'm good to go.

Awww Jorah just wants to fight for his queen. Give an old guy a chance! I bet her fights in the pits just to show her how awesome he is! #JorahGoodGuy #2ndChanceJorah?

Cersei's Comeuppance

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I really love watching her fall from grace. Nobody deserves it more.

Yeah, drink off the floor you cold heartless beotchh (sorry pent up hatred for her boils over.....whoooops)

PS: Remeber when she had power? Like at the Purple Wedding? Yeah, me neither haha #SuckItCersei

Sam the Slayer and Gilly the Mundane - Most Boring in all of GOT.

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The Wall) Sam and Gilly......big yawnnnn

Also, I couldn't resist this picture he's such a dork I love it.

Little man bringing ChubbySam the Slayer a snack? "You're a good lad."

Great reminder: The White Walkers are coming people and we need every living person we can get. Ollie cant wrap his wee little head around Jon helping the Wildings.

The Wild World of WIldings

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Ohshit Lord Commander looke

in badass as per usual (George Qashington crossing the Delaware River feel to that image, #AmIRightDoe?)

Marching the King of Crows into Wilding City - bold move sir Tormund.

"You fucking traitor" Not exactly what you'd call a warm reception, but alright.... GingerTormund did not like Skullmans homo-erotic-crow-related implication there.

Should've just gathered the elders like he asked bro......wipe yaself off......you deadddd (Rush Hour reference)

Nothing like a cold blooded fury murder to get the episode going. Now that's how you send a message Tormundo - kill him viciously. Then ask the next guy the same question and I'm pretty sure you'll get a different answer than Mr Bones over in that dead pile of mush Tormund just pounded him into.

This season is awesome.

"I'm not asking you to forget your dead, I wo t forget mine...think about your child now!"

The Crows care about the children.

"At least we'll give the fuckers a fight!"

Brokering peace the Wilding way: murder a guy, yell a bunch, then agree on terms"

Axman says nope screw you guys.....No Crows....I'm out this bich,

. Sooo all in all some decent progress but the Thenns are stubborn cockbags soooo fuckem!

Battle at Hardhome - "Bring it on Bro!" - Army of the Undead

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Thats a huge Giant.

Uhoh......I have a white walker feeling rn.....

The music agrees with my feeling.

Whattt is goin on dude? Lord Thenny the Ignorant better be careful going solodolo to check out that hole in the fence......Curiosity killed the Cat.

Finally we see some undead va living fighting

We got a nice fight on our hands, AWESOME:

LETSGETITON!

This requires all my attention brb....

LCJS to save the days, okayyyy

Okay zombies with weapons are way scarier cause they are fucking ruthless (sorry The Walking Dead - yours are scary in their won way too!)

Wow. Amazing. Valyrian steel defeats walkers good to know!

Ahhh Wilding chick cant kill zombie kids - sucks for you......I was hoping youd be around more.

"Fuck the glass we're gonna die here!" PREACH GTF OUTTA THERE LCJS!

Tormund......cmon man run witchya big.ginger ass hustleee!

Battle of Hardhome - Undead Army vs Wildings/Crows

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Follow the Giant!

Lots of running.....war is great cardio.....#GoodForTheBunsAndThighs

Ahhh sorry Giant doesnt look good for you.....hmmm phshit maybe......yeah I think hes safe....cool.

The slaughter screams are terrifying how am I supposed to aleep after this? #GameOfNightmares seriously I bet that blue eyed Dead Warrior comes for me iny dream tn a la Freddy Kreuger.

Dead Ice King staring like "I see you LCJS and Im not impressed......we're comin for you son.

CHALLENGE!

One very satisfying episode I must say.

Gimme next weeks scenes plz so I can go pee, thankssss

Phone was at 1%, tried to plug my phone in andddd yep - pulled the plug to the TV wowww.

Gotta wait for a reboot then watch the DVR-ed scenes.......or just wait till next week ;)

Peaceeee, Lazzzzzz outttt

Jk reboot was quick gotchya!

Scenes: of course it takes two times FF at 8x speed (patiences wearing thin and Nick is tired ughhh) at least I saw Jonny boy chop that Ice Lors in half again #NiceSwordForm that Ice King gave him a look like "Props Crowboy.....maybe you're not as puny as I thought" #UndeadIceProps,

SCENES: Wildings Wonder to the Wall, Jamie vs Prince Doran, Fighting Pits!!!!

That wasn't worth the re-watch btu still looks like a lot goin on next week and hopefully more fights - prob a good gamble since I def saw the fighting pits there, Im ready.

Im donezo. Laterrr

BONUS VID: Chris Tucker is the man.

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Doesn't get old, pops that dude with the ankle holster, it's a smooooth drop, grab and shoot - one fluid motion - nice.