Promoted

The Only Valentine’s Day Infomercial You Need To See This Year

OMG best gift ever!

1. Valentine’s Day is almost here! What are you getting your significant other?

2. The gift needs to be big because size DOES MATTER.

3. That’s why you need to buy this very useless 4.5 ft teddy bear!

4. Is your girlfriend 12 years old? No? Don’t worry, she will still LOVE this present.

5. Like, REALLY love it. Look at her go. Some serious bonding right there.

6. You buy this teddy bear and you KNOW you’re getting laid tonight.

7. And all for a very reasonable price of $99.99!!

8. Those wilted roses you bought are crap and she’s going to throw them (and you) out.

9. Chocolates? How dare you buy such disgusting junk!

10. Buy the Vermont Teddy Bear so she can bring him to the office.

11. And snuggle with him in bed.

12. To reiterate, this will obviously get you laid. No matter how creepy your face is.

13. What are you waiting for?! CALL NOW TO PURCHASE THIS GIANT STUFFED ANIMAL THAT SHE WILL THROW AWAY IN 3 DAYS!

14. Watch the full commercial here:

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