1. I am not drunk enough for this yet. BoozeTracker, ENGAGE!
2. Does that beer bong have mold in it?
3. I've made out with too many people here.
4. That's a lot of beer pong tables.
5. What the hell! I'll play some beer pong.
6. Oh, the waiting list is three hours long. Cool.
7. Dang, those are some chill-ass visors.
8. I'm 90% sure that dude's dead.
9. He can't be dead. Somebody would have noticed.
10. OK, he's puking. That means he's alive.
11. OK, NOW he's dead.
12. As jungle juice goes, this is not terrible.
13. Aren't fireworks supposed to be an outdoor thing?
14. Is that the bathroom line or is someone giving out free smartphones?
15. Pretty sure I would rather die than sit on that toilet.
16. Someone's grinding on me.
17. One cup, two cup, red cup, flip cup.
18. Where can I hide my drink while I pee so that it won't get roofied?
19. Whoa, there's a lot of cargo shorts in here.
20. Why is the floor so sticky?
21. You know what? Maybe it's best I don't know.
22. People are gonna need to cool it with the elaborate handshakes.
23. I've never seen a pyramid of Keystone that big.
24. Actually, I've never seen a pyramid of anything that big.
25. Damnit. BEER-amid. I should have said beeramid.
26. That dude is way too old to be here. He's gotta be a cop.
27. He's too drunk to be a cop.
28. Wait, maybe he just wandered in off the street.
29. Uh-oh. Don'tmakeeyecontact... don'tmakeeyecontact... DAMN.
30. I wonder how much I can drink for free before someone tries to rush me.
31. Do those dudes want to fight or make out?
32. Is it my imagination or is "Sweet Home Alabama" playing for the seventh time?
33. Oh my god, I think I'm the only one here not wearing Sperrys.
34. Wow, she's drunk.
35. Wow, he's drunk.
36. Neither of them can dance. Like, not even a little.
37. They're just leaning against each other like sick trees.
38. Someone at this party must have weed.
39. I hate talking to strangers.
40. Strangers have weed. #DILEMMA
41. Did I just think the word "hashtag?"
42. I need to spend less time on the internet.
43. Actually, I'm being too hard on myself. I'm out. I'm at a party. I'm not online. Life is good.
44. I should tweet how good I'm feeling.
45. #DILEMMA
46. DAMNIT.
47. It's too loud in here.
48. I SAID, IT'S TOO LOUD IN HERE.
49. God, I can barely hear myself think.
50. I SAID, I CAN BARELY HEAR MYSELF THINK.
51. Oh crap, I can't remember this dude's name. What's his name? It's not... Brad? No, it's something like Brad. Chad? Tad?
52. Oh, it IS Brad.
53. Wait, then who's THAT guy?
54. Also Brad?
55. How many Brads are at this party?
56. I'm gonna count these Brads.
57. That's a lot of Brads.
58. Whoa, I haven't heard Lil Jon in like seven years!
59. Don't sit on the reclining chair in the basement. I heard "things have happened there."
60. You know what? Actually maybe don't go in the basement at all.
61. Oh God, I just stepped in gum.
62. Uh-oh. That's not gum.
63. WHAT DID I JUST STEP IN?
64. I wish it had been gum.
65. Why did I let myself drink all that jungle juice?
66. I have not done a whip-it in years. I probably shouldn't.
67. How many free beers can I drink in an hour? Time me!
68. Why is it so dark in here?
69. This black light is really unbecoming.
70. OMG, that black light is bringing out a stain.
71. That stain is laundry detergent, right?
72. RIGHT?!
73. I have not done a whip-it in minutes.
74. Oh, THAT'S how she got that nickname.
75. I think I left some underwear here once.
76. Is this the Revenge of the Nerds frat?
77. Wait, is there a real Revenge of the Nerds frat?
78. Man, I need to see that movie again. I wonder if it holds up.
79. Oh snap they're playing Flo-Rida.
80. I LOVE Flo-Rida!
81. Not Florida though. Florida is one giant trash can.
82. How come it's brighter in the basement than in the entryway? That's not natural light.
83. Haha. Natty Light. #irony
84. Did I just think the word "hashtag" again? I am drunk.
85. If this is supposed to be a '90s party, why is everyone but me dressed like it's the '80s?
86. Oh God, is it an '80s party? Am I the a-hole?
87. Nope. Poster definitely says '90s.
88. None of these clowns know what "the '90s" means.
89. Is this dubstep? I don't know what dubstep is. Gotta be this.
90. Golly, there are a lot of white people here.
91. I can't believe I used that toilet seat. I think it was actually made from STDs.
92. What's in this room? I'll just open this door and... UH-OH, BONE ZONE.
93. I'm pretty sure those chicks don't go to this school.
94. Whoa, I'm pretty sure that chick doesn't go to any school.
95. Holy crap. Is that guy wearing a toga? Haha, awesome!
96. Oh, hang on. That's not a toga, it's a nasty post-hookup bedsheet.
97. Or is it a toga? Maybe in ancient Rome they used post-hookup bedsheets as togas.
98. Yeah, I'm drunk.
