1. $45 billion in direct payments to certain commodity crops.
This is either a picture of how $45 billion in misguided agriculture policy feels for taxpayers, or a new, darker, direction in the war on obesity.
2. $1.9 billion on military bands.
Military bands are great and all, but deploying Lady Gaga in the field would probably be cheaper at this point.
3. $436 million to refurbish the M1-A Abrams Tank, which even the Army doesn’t think is necessary.
The strange world of politics has Congress forcing the military into upgrades they don’t want. What’s next, updated tri-corner hats, a musket revival?
4. We could save $575 million by bringing old government databases into the current millennium.
‘Animated GIF? What sort of witchcraft are you on about Johnson?!? Our database is state of the art!’
5. $140 million for a USDA catfish inspection service, which is something the FDA already does.
‘Somebody did already inspect this one… I can’t find anything down here.’