So the Big Apple finally has a real and live hero and his name is - wait for it - “Snackman”. If you missed the whole story here’s the Readers Digest version. Basically there was a bit of a biffo going down on a subway car. However just as things looked like they were about to explode and maybe end up in a really bad place…a brave young fellow, a vigilante of sorts, carrying a bag of chips and a calm demeanor and using non-violent methods brought peace and harmony back to the world. Sure he doesn’t wear a cape and he may not have a movie deal just yet but he is the protector we had to have.
So in honor of him we present some other places he could come in handy right now.
Kim & Kris
Ok you two. We didn’t really care about the 72 seconds you were married so I promise we care even less when you slag each other off in public. It’s over…if it even really ever began. So Snackman please sort this out.
Mitt & Rick…sorry I mean Newt.
Republican Primary we’re done. Please for all our sakes and the sake of election free ad breaks just stop already. Snackman please…please.
Keith & Al.
Seriously when there is a multi-million dollar contract involved and a network no one is really watching Justin Timberlake sang it best - ‘Cry Me A River”. But given the escalating drama well here’s another job for Snackman.
Hill & KJ-un
This is definitely a case for Snackman. Not that it’s not scary enough with planes now having to divert flight paths and China even being a little like WTF? NK and as tough as HRC is and as much as she could school Kim Jong-un or at least put him over her knee, nuclear weapons are big and scary and the world needs less not more. I’m pretty sure that the salty bag of chips could be used to corrode the mechanisms though.
Kim & Nene
Well it’s not long until the RHOA Reunion and they are feisty at the best of times. The queens of scream and vitriol are ready to let it rip on each other and it’s promising to be nassstteee. Now if only Snackman could turn up the scene it would be all tea and crumpets before too long.
Dan & Chevy
Wow Chevy should probably have stuck to in person meetings because those voicemails are severe. Clearly Chevy has some deep issues and a real hate on for the show so many of us love. This one’s dragging on so the time is right for someone to step in. I think Snackman might have just the solution…Chip anyone???
Heidi & Seal
It’s not a messy divorce yet, but it might be helpful to have Snackman round to keep it as amicable as possible. After 4 kids and 7 years of marriage it’s sad but when it comes to splitting things can turn south fast.
Lisa & Dayana
Miss Universe 2008 Dayana Mendoza from The Celebrity Apprentice is cranky at co-star Lisa Lampanelli. Lisa may made a bit of slur during an interview. Now Dayana thinks it’s ok for Lisa to try and be funny but not at the expense of a whole racial group. Ummm Snackman can you step in please?
Zac & The Paps
Sure he looked great and who doesn’t want to see more Zac drinking OJ or with his shirt off, and hands down his pants. However he isn’t a happy camper when it comes to the down under paparazzo. In fact he sounded quite frustrated about them and in interviews looked and sounded positively embarrassed when asked about the ‘incident’. He has no reason to be as we all saw and in fact maybe it will make us more inclined to see whatever it is he’s in. That said, he decided to build a towel barricade today so the world was robbed of more candid moments. Where is Snackman when you need him?
FB/Instagram & The People
Sure the founders are happy (money can buy happines) and Zuke is patting himself on the back for his craftiness in taking over probably the biggest threat FB was facing, but there’s some serious angst from the Insta-crew. In fact there is some serious freaking out going on with people closing their accounts and deleting the app. An over-reaction probably but they are passionate. So before it gets all messy and the we start realizing that we aren’t professional photographers with a seriously good eye and that life without filters is just - well - positively boring we need someone to get on top of this. So who can we count on? Only Snackman.
Here is the video if you missed it.