1. Pyotr Ilvich Tchaikovsky — Russian composer
OMG PYOTR. You’re as sweet as a Sugar Plum Fairy and as scruffy as the Nutcracker prince. OH YEAH AND HE LOOKS LIKE EDWARD NORTON BUT WITH MAJOR PIANO SKILLZ. JACKPOT!!!!
2. Auguste Rodin — French sculptor
RoDAYUM! There’s a broody smolder for the record books.
3. Gaspare Spontini — Italian composer/conductor
LOOK at that Danny Zuko-esque curl. AND since he’s a conductor, he probably has some nicely sculpted arms under those layers.
4. Johannes Brahms — German composer
Now here’s someone whose hair definitely looks sexy pushed back. And THOSE EYES. Piercing. Bet his D isn’t minor, amirite?
5. Scott Joplin — American composer/pianist
Clean cut elegance by day, “King of Ragtime” by night. BASICALLY a sexy librarian.
6. Lord Byron — British poet
Those gorgeous black locks paired with those full lips would make anyone want to him to lead THEIR Romantic movement.
7. J M Synge — Irish playwright/poet/novelist
THAT SHINY HAIR. THAT JAWLINE. Forget the ‘stache: Any guy who writes about the “Playboy of the Western World” isn’t fooling around.
8. Nathaniel Hawthorne — American novelist
KILLIN IT with those soft features…not to MENTION that dapper bow tie. Babe, you can open my scarlet letter anytime.
9. Frederick Douglass — American writer/orator
He rocked the original hipster haircut AND the determined, stormy stare. WOWZA.
10. Mark Twain — American author
It’s ALL ABOUT THE MUSTACHE. Bet that would tickle. And his cutely disheveled bow tie. I’d love get stranded on a raft with him in the Mississippi.
11. Emma Lazarus — American poet
EMMi dreaming? Those strong features, deep set eyes…
12. Jack London — American journalist/author
Definitely feeling the ‘Call of the Wild. ‘AWOOOOO! Jack is looking straight into your soul. And looking mighty dapper, for that matter.
13. Felix Mendelssohn — German composer
Baby, you look just like a midsummer night’s dream to me. Windswept hair and dark blue eyes SWOON
14. Augustus Vincent Tack — American painter
Men with glasses always win. And strong jaw lines. I’d Tack that!
15. Eugène Delacroix — French painter
EUjeans better be coming off right now! He looks like the kind of Frenchman that would sweep you off your feet before you could say “Honhon.” And maybe he’d paint a portait of you half naked leading the French revolutionaries to victory.
16. Franz Liszt — Hungarian composer
Those wistful eyes staring into the beyond….Look how FREAKING DELICATE his hands look. Bet he’s going to use those to write you a love letter full of sweet, sweet longing. Well, honey, you’ll always be at the top of my Liszt.
17. Frederic Chopin — Polish composer/pianist
If it were up to me, we’d only be Nocturnes(al).
18. Jane Austen — British novelist
I’m getting LOSTen those big blue eyes. Imagine her taking off her bonnet, silverly dark hair cascading down her shoulders…She has “epic love story” written all over her. Go figure.
19. John Keats — British poet
I’m not KEATing…you’re hot. Those pouty lips whispering poetry as you sit by candlelight in a ye olde tavern. HAWT
20. Elizabeth Gaskell — British novelist
I’d love to check out her North and South. Lizzy has GOT IT GOING ON. Bodacious bod, fancy top knot, coy smile…She’s got the hot betch look down PAT.
21. Charlotte Brontë — British novelist
You’ll have to Eyre on the side of caution with this one…don’t let all those frills and flawless face fool you. She’s a FIRECRACKER!
22. Bram Stoker — Irish novelist
Okay, he may have mastered the Bon Iver-bearded , “i’d love to curl up in a cabin with you and pick lavender” look, but he wrote DRACULA. Bram is definitely a cuddly bear on the street, but A FREAK IN THE SHEETS.
23. Oscar Wilde — Irish writer/poet
So if we’re being earnest here, I’m WILDE about you. LOOK at that interested stare, listening to all those witty things you have to say while he pushes back is wavy, chocolate locks. AND THAT VELVET SUIT. A gentleman AND a scholar. AND A SEXY BEAST!
24. Francis E. W. Harper — American poet/author
You make my HEART-PURR, honey. Even in an ETCHING she’s FETCHING, RIGHT?
25. Heinrich Heine — German poet
He’s got the “I’m complicated, but I’ll make German sound like smooth butter” kind of look. Bet he has a nice HEINE-Y, too.
26. John McCrae — Canadian poet
Anyone would be McCRAZY to pass this guy up. He’s got the strongest chin ever and light eyes…And he’s dressed like he’s about to go on the battlefield and write a poem for you.** DROOL***!
27. Arnold Böcklin — Swiss painter
ARNOLD WILL Böcklin’ YOUR world. He’s basically an artsy version of Gary Oldman. With better hair. SCORE!
28. Arthur Rimbaud — French poet
UHH…I’m getting a RIMBONER just looking at you. Such a freaking SPRITELY FACE and that tie? SOOO fashion forward. AND he’ll whisper sweet French nothings in your ear.
29. William Wells Brown — American writer
Tears WELL in my eyes whenever I think of your hotness. Sure, he’s got LUMINOUS EYES and some BODACIOUS EYEBROWS (eyebrows are SO in right now), but the real giveaway to his glory is his handwriting. YOU. ROCK. THAT. GRACEFUL. CURSIVE. WILL. ROCK IT.