Forget pancakes. Start your day off with a hearty Irish breakfast...
...to the soundtrack of a not-American classic:
When choosing an outfit, don't wear red, white or blue.
Or you can wear all three colors in an ironic way.
After that, listen exclusively to songs from abroad.
Cheat on Budweiser by drinking foreign beers.
Don't grill any of your meals. In fact, fuck grilling.
Order in instead. The ethnic and not-burger options are endless.
While other people have to deal with getting bugs in their food...
If you want to run around outside, don't play croquet.
Cricket is way more badass.
If you'd rather watch a game, skip the great American pastime.
Check out the Tour de France.
When it gets to fireworks time, remember they're kind of a death wish.
And also can be pretty anti-climatic.
So watch an action movie instead!
Even better: a foreign action movie.
Or if you can't drown out the noise outside, just turn on a lively Bollywood flick.
And at the end of the day, you don't have to worry about letting America down.
You can have a great, less-than-patriotic day and America will still love you.
Why? Because America is a free country and you can do whatever you want.
