25. Funnel cake
Fried dough with a lemon-vanilla tinge will be the best thing you smell all day. But warning: your nose may be more game than your stomach.
24. Baby wipes
Carry perfumed-with-sunshine wet and cottony wipes for when you use the port-a-potties — no, they won’t have toilet paper — and use them as a shower substitute for your dirt-covered face and body.
At a big festival, you can eat tacos, teriyaki bowls, burritos, artisinal popsicles, and more. But at the end of a long day, chose the salty and savory melting cheese pie.
22. Burning blunt
Notes of coffee, tobacco, and new friendship.
At festivals, this can be used as both skin protectant and surfer musk perfume.
20. Beer foam
Hops, carbonation, and cold satisfaction.
19. Dewy grass
Best in the morning, after the cleanup crew has come through, before the crowds have ruined everything.
18. Dry shampoo
Like chemically treated baby powder in an aerosol can, maybe with fruit.
17. Water refill stations
With their mix of chlorinated pool water and earthy well water smells, these are often suspiciously close to the bathrooms.
16. Camp stove fuel
Smells funky like a Zippo lighter, but makes dinner happen.
Acidic little pieces of dirt that want to live in your nose, mouth, eyes, and tent.
14. Golf cart exhaust
Golf carts are the most elite form on intra-festival transport. They amplify dust, and give it a diesel after-smell.
13. Armpit sweat
It’s no big deal, but everybody stinks.
12. Shoes caked in mud
Weirdly sour combo of dirt, sweat, sun.
11. Damp shorts
Yeah, your butt sweats that much.
10. The inside of your baseball hat
It’s been incubating the stressed-out sweat coming from your brain.
8. Soggy hay
Hay is thrown over mud/grass to keep ground dry. As it soaks up spills and rain, it ends up smelling like mold, maybe urine?
Fermented beverage bottles, fermenting.
Everybody’s food and drink scraps, baked by the sun. Reeks of social responsibility.
5. Cigarette smoke
Makes the air in a festival tent smell like a humid ashtray.
4. A tent
All of your breaths, stuck in a small space.
3. A fart in a tent
Who DOES this?
2. Puke in a tent
Basically this is nuclear war. Take care to avoid at all costs.
1. Hot port-a-potty
This is like puke in a tent, except there’s other people’s puke, poop, period stuff, and pee, too — ALL THE WORST THINGS — and it’s all baked for a couple hours.