The ABC’s Of “Breaking Bad”

Because, after all, Walter White started off as a teacher.

1. A is for Acid

In the first episode, Jesse and Walt have to dispose of Emilio’s body and use hydrofluoric acid to dissolve the body. This becomes their go-to body disposal method. Yum.

2. B is for BITCH

Yo, Jesse Pinkman loves the word Bitch, Bitch.

3. C is for Crystal Meth

The beautiful blue crystals that is the glue of Breaking Bad.

4. D is for DING DING DING!

Hector Salamanca is everyone’s favorite mute uncle with the bell he uses to communicate with, ring your own bell here.

6. E is for Eyebrows

Let’s be honest…the original car wash owner, Bogdan, had eyebrows that were the real star of the first season.

7. F is for Flynn

Walt’s 16-year-old son gets mad at Walt and doesn’t want to be associated with his name…and renames himself Flynn. After he eats breakfast
of course.

9. G is for Gus

Gustavo Fring, the scariest fast-food chicken chain owner. Ever.

10. H is for Heisenburg

Such a badass alias. Props, Mr. White.

12. I is for I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS

Skyler keeps whining about being in danger and Walt puts her in her place with the best line of the series.

14. J is for Jesse and Jane

So you have a hot landlord, the only logical thing to do next is sleep with each other and do some drugs. Life lessons, kids.

16. K is for Krazy 8

Krazy 8 is the first drug lord Walt and Jesse tango with. He is also Walt’s first kill. He struggles with it, feeds him sandwiches without the crust, has an internal moral struggle….eventually kills him while being stabbed with a shard of plate.

17. L is for Los Pollos Hermanos

The best chicken in the southwest and the perfect cover for a billion dollar drug ring.

18. M is for Mexico

This show only takes places in two places…New Mexico and…Old Mexico.

19. N is for Nursing Home

The perfect place to plant a wheelchair bomb.

21. O is for Opportunities to Launder

Skyler has a moment of brilliance when she pushes Walt to buy the old car wash to launder money through instead of a random laser tag joint that would invite questions.

22. P is for Pontiac Aztek

The BEST getaway car ever.

24. Q is for Questionable Attorney

Every criminal has one.

25. R is for Ricin

It’s first use: Attempting to poison Tuco, thanks for ruining that Hector
It’s second appearance: Used to make Jesse thing Rice and Beans poisoned Brock
It’s third use: TBD, we last saw Walt getting it out of his secret hiding place at the beginning of season 5B

27. S is for Scary Twins

Tuco’s scary ass cousins come around to try and kill some folks. Spoiler alert, they don’t win.

29. T is for Ted Beneke

…whose only function was to give Skyler something to do.

31. U is for Undercover Meth Lab

Meth lab in an RV? Elementary. Using houses being fumigated to cook— 99.1% pure genius.

33. V is for Victor

A victim of Gus’s cold, cold soul…and a box cutter. RIP Victor

34. W is for Walt Whitman

An inspiration for Gale, reading material on the can for Hank….and the demise of Walter White.

35. X is for X-Ray Technician

When Marie Shrader wasn’t shoplifting or being a huge pain in the ass, she was an x-ray technician. But who cares.

38. Y is for Young’ns

Jesse has a soft spot for kids. When encountered, he tries his best to protect kids from the drug world….unlike Walt who has no fucks to give.

40. Z is for the Zesty Dealer

Lydia is the latest drug lord (if you can call her that). She’s twitchy, neurotic and ZESTY….aka batshit crazy.

…it’s probably the Stevia.

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