1. People who act like they’ve never seen tall buildings and flashing lights before
I swear, Times Square has got to be the secret location of purgatory. Stop staring up at the tall buildings, focus your eyes on the street ahead of you, and walk in a straight line. And for the love of God, DO NOT STOP MID-STEP TO TAKE A PICTURE FOR YOUR INSTAGRAM. #nyc #godblessamerica #iluvskyscrapers #blessed
2. People who are impatiently waiting for the train to come so they keep leaning over the tracks to look for it
Your telekinetic powers will NOT bring the train here any quicker. If you look down the tunnel one more time, so help me, I will push you over the edge. I’m guessing you won’t be as anxious for the train to come then…
3. People who conveniently walk extremely slow when you’re right behind them
The anxiety that arises when there’s so much pedestrian sidewalk traffic that you can’t sidestep around them. And when you do see your golden opportunity to switch lanes, you get stuck behind an even SLOWER walker, since Murphy’s Law is quite the little SOB.
4. People hardcore PDAing on the subway
You know, some people may not enjoy watching this spectacle of love declaring, but I say TO HELL WITH THE HATERS! Go ahead and make-out with your bae and stare longingly into each others’ eyes as you not-quite-whisper sweet, sweet nothings. And if you need to use the side of my body to support you during your baby-making, please, be my guest. I’m here to help.
5. People who are oblivious that their headphones are actually boombox speakers
I mean, you gotta know that your music can be heard by everyone, right? You can’t be that oblivious. Unless you’re actually that deaf, in which case, I apologize.
6. People who go running in the morning
You’re telling me you voluntarily woke up at 6am to go running, in the cold, through the crowded streets of Manhattan, while I’m over here just trying to keep my eyes open while walking to work, anxiously counting down the hours to when I can go back to bed? I don’t get you.
8. People who are basically out to kill you when they smoke and walk at the same time
You really wanna smoke while you’re walking? When there’s a down breeze? And I’m stuck walking behind you? Are you sure that’s what you really wanna do?…
9. People who announce they are exiting the subway car
As if the physical sight of them getting up and out of their seat was maybe not enough for their fellow passengers to notice, they announce themselves to the crowd, possibly declaring their name, age, height, sometimes even a favorite food, and basically shove everyone out of their way, shouting “EXCUSEMEPLEASE” in a very calming manner.