1. "Actually, I'm just not in the mood."
2. "My stomach is making weird noises."
3. "I don't want to get you sick."
4. "It's not a good lady time."
5. "I drank too much."
6. "I'm really stressed about work."
7. "But I just took a shower."
8. "That movie put me in a weird mood."
9. "Err... I just cleaned the sheets."
10. "Why don't we just cuddle?"
11. "Someone might hear us."
12. "I'm so down on myself, I'm worried I might screw this up too. :("
13. "I already took out my contacts."
Pro: They certainly don't want you getting lost down there.
Con: Who has sex with their eyes open?
14. "It sounds weird — but I think I'm too turned on to do it right now."
15. "I'd rather just talk instead."
16. "I'm too tired."
17. "You're too tired."
18. "I think Mercury's in retrograde."
Pro: It's oddly romantic.
Con: It's a joke... right?