1. No, we don’t sit on our balls. (But they can rest in uncomfortable positions that may hurt.)
2. That pain or uncomfortable feeling is why we need to adjust (or often sit with our legs apart) because…
3. Men have little control over where things rest in our pants. Most of our parts stay in the “pocket” of the briefs/boxers, but things can move around and get stuck in a position if we sit or lay down. And sometimes it just feels like our junk is getting squished and we need to fix that.
4. Yes, our balls do stick to other body parts.
5. Itchy balls are like an itch on the bottom of your foot: The fact that you can’t really scratch it right away kind of intensifies the itch. There’s also not a lot of breeze going on down there.
6. The pinch-and-roll technique is something that every man has mastered and it is a proven method of itch relief. (P.S. It’s the skin, not the testicles)
7. Our testicles rest at different heights to ensure they don’t knock each other when we walk.
8. The phenomenon known as “blue balls” is real.
9. Being punched/kicked/hit in the balls is like an intense pain that sort of feels like someone is squeezing really hard on the testicles and then punching you in the lower abdomen. The quickness of the pain is comparable to hitting your funny bone: an immediate jolt of pain. The severity of the pain is incomparable.
10. No, men do not need to be turned on to have an erection.
11. Morning wood is involuntary and often not associated with anything.
12. Yes, there are different degrees of hardness.
13. An erect penis cannot bend. There is no need to test this.
14. Yes, a penis can break. I can only assume it is massively painful.
15. Do penises float? Sort of. It’s more like they don’t sink.
16. Unless a man is super well-endowed, his penis does not touch the toilet water.
17. Peeing with an erection is really hard (hah!).
18. The pressure/stream of our pee is not always constant, which can make it difficult to aim properly. This is particularly true in the morning and after sex. And sometimes there is more than one stream. Whaaaa?!!!
19. Yes, we can stop peeing mid-stream. It can be uncomfortable though.
20. Yes, peeing on things is fun. It’s like our own little target game.
21. Yes, we can pee hands-free (a dangerous game).
22. When at a urinal, we keep our eyes straight forward and do not say anything. It’s an unwritten law.
23. It is totally acceptable to completely ignore another man’s presence in the bathroom.
24. Are beards itchy? A beard typically gets itchy at certain stages: shortly after it’s first growing out and then when it gets long. Not so much in the middle stages.
25. Yes, beards keep our face warm.
26. And finally, what’s with the spitting? We either have too much saliva or some mucus in our mouth and we don’t want to swallow it. Spitting can also be a bad habit, like biting your nails. And sometimes we just like to see how far we can spit.