1. If you’re raking the leaves and it gets all over your driveway, just hose it off dummy.
2. What the heck you gonna do if you’re on a picnic and have an ice cream and the ants crawl on the ice cream, what are you gonna do? You’re gonna eat the ants because it’s made out of protein.
3. You have smelly body parts? Smelly under your arms? In the armpits? Just… just put some vinegar on it! Why didn’t you think of that?
5. Life comes from eggs. Not just for omelettes, ya dingus, you could make a baby boy or a baby girl too.
8. Can you see the donkey drangus on camera? Does it come with a bathroom hole? I had a whole can of creamed corn for breakfast.
12. Wine was invented by the Romans… for orgies. And orgies are not too much fun if no-one wants to do it with you.
Here Are Today's Top Stories
- A boat packed with mainly African migrants bound for Italy sank off the Libyan coast on Thursday and officials fear over 100 people might have died, Reuters reports. ›
- President Obama marked a decade of recovery after Hurricane Katrina, citing gains, but also the immense amount of work that he said still needs to be done. ›
- Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said (on Faceboook, obviously) that one billion people used the service on Monday 🌐 ›