The Musical Stylings Of The Real Housewives

Don’t get me wrong the real housewives of anywhere can be annoying in most senses, I mean a lot of it is fake and I swear all they do is cry (KYLE RICHARDS)…but whenever I watch them I just want to collate a mood board full of their drama. However what I love more than them crying (KYLE RICHARDS) is when they take to the recording studio and make…music. Sweet, heartfelt, auto-tuned music. Here’s some of the vocal stylings of our beloved housewives.

1. ‘Money Can’t Buy You Class ’ -Luann De Lesseps, Real Housewives of NYC.

Money Can’t Buy You Class is basically Luann telling us simply that no matter how many benjamin’s you have, you have to learn elegance goddamit! This video is a really ‘young’ Luann strapped into a corset stroking some poor guys face basically saying watch me put on my lipgloss as I glaze it all over my sultry lips whilst the auto-tune does all the talking. Oh and there’s this really weird moment at 2.45 where she’s just like… HAHA, I’m a countess and you’re not.

2. ‘I Just Wanna’ -Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of New Jersey

Okay…so Melissa isn’t that bad it seems, and she can dance and all, so really we’ll give her a thumbs up. However there was like this really weird song she did for her husband, you know Teresa’s brother who totally loves her, but its full of meaningful lyrics like ‘How many times…did you bang a table’ …No I’m kidding but that would of been great. You can just imagine Teresa watching it saying ‘I could do that but you know I’m busying getting Milania to stop pulling Gia’s hair hahahahaha…yeah’

3. ‘Gone With The Wind Fabulous’ -Kenya Moore, Real Housewives of Atlanta

If you like being totally WTF, this video is for you. This is Kenya’s first music video, and she’s basically taking down Porsha and Phaedra…oh and that weird ex of hers Walter, if you don’t remember him its okay, all Kenya wants you to know is that he is a D-BAG. To be honest this video reminded me of when I got my wisdom teeth out, tried to eat a seatbelt and then watched an episode of Dallas. Just watch it.

4. ‘Unbreakable’ - Gretchen Rossi, Real Housewives of Orange County.

First things first, Gretchen has never sang live and never released a music video…because she’s too busy making Slade sell her handbags. She released a single called Nothing Without You, which is obviously about Andy Cohen or something. This is a little dancey…if your into that, but the message Gretch’ is trying to get across is that she is unbreakable, and you can’t shatter her TAMRA! yes I know their friends now, but c’mon how badly do you want to see them fight again?

5. ‘Google Me’ -Kim Zolciak, Real Housewives of Atlanta

I’ve always thought of Kim as the odd one out in the show. NO, not because she’s white but because she just stands there like with her kids and her husband Kroy, what is up with that. However she ‘wrote’ this really good song called Google Me, and in the songs she spells Google (clearly a chart topper). Even though she didn’t make a video for it she did hit up on her papa bear Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live to sing it whilst Andy sits there like ‘I’m the King of Bravo HaHa!’

Oh and there is a really weird lyric where she says ‘Im diabetic!’…Holla at me if you get where she was going with it.

6. ‘Real Close’ -Danielle Staub, Real Housewives of New Jersey

Okay so this isn’t a music video, this is better. Danielle Staub took to morning Tv to sing and dance to her new song Real close, and if I’m honest, its awkward. You’ve got these dancers in the back who just wanna make it dancing behind Beyonce, and there stuck behind Danielle who probably just wants a reaction from Caroline Manzo or Jacqueline Laurita. Head to the 0.13 mark to see the songstress reveal her…uh talents.

7. ‘I Love You’ -Yolanda Foster, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

So Yolanda is the newest addition to RHOBH, and she’s married to David Foster. If you don’t know who that is, google him and you’ll be like ‘oh that guy’. Basically David married a bunch of people, and then he met lemon loving Yolanda and they got married, make some souffles and basically now she’s calls him ‘my love’ but on the show it sounds like ‘MA LUVVV’. She apparently made this music video for him after they got hitched, but…it just looks like her caressing a jet, dressed in a air hostess uniform. However it was gift for her ‘King’ David, so got to give her some props for standing on some tarmac declaring her love for flowers and stuff.

8. ‘Chic, C’est La Vie’ -Luann De Lesseps, Real Housewives of NYC

Okay Guys, Countess Luann is back on our list! If Money Can’t Buy You Class wasn’t your thing, this will be. This is basically Luann showing off her Faboosh lifestyle with her BFF’S Kelly Killoren-whatever her name is and Jill ‘BOBBBBY’ Zarin, who look like their loving life, sipping champagne and eating caviar by the pool. The only thing missing from this beauty is Ramona Singer and her Pinot Grigio, and Alex McCord. Not Bethenny Frankel though, she’s too busy trying to shove SkinnyGirl cocktails down our necks.

9. ‘I Am Real’ -Simon Van Kempen. Fame hogger husband of Alex McCord, Real Housewives of NYC

WHY. JUST WHY.

Simon, Alex McCord’s other half decided to sing a song about how the NYC housewives didn’t like him and trash him ‘on the twitter’. This is clearly just a song about the ‘haterz’ in Simon’s life. Is anyone else glad that he’s not rocking those red pants on the show anymore? I am, I started sleeping again.

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