You’ve Been Eating Bagels Wrong Your Whole Life

Okay, there’s no wrong way to eat a bagel. But there is a better way.

1. I know what you’re thinking. How can we possibly improve on this?

Clean, simple, delicious. The perfect breakfast food.

Except, of course, that you have to basically distend your jaw to eat it, or risk pushing like half the tuna and a good 30% of the tomato out of the back, totally screwing with your proportions. What’s with that, bagel?

But don’t worry! There is a solution!

2. THE BAGEL TRENCH.

Dig out anywhere from half an inch to an inch from the center of your bagel (depending on how big it is). Do this for both halves of the bagel for maximum deliciousness.

You are now free to fill the trench with whatever toppings you might desire, such as, say, brie cheese, mascarpone, and blueberry jam to make the best grilled cheese bagel ever.

Try and tell me you don’t want this inside of you STAT.

Or just fill it with a boatload of extra cream cheese, whatever.

4. But wait, you’re thinking. The fluffy bagel innards are the best part.

Slow your roll, dynamo. I’ve got you covered. Take the scooped-out insides, rip ‘em up into bite-size pieces, and throw them in a bowl to use later as the perfect snack at that cool, hip party you’re hosting. Add some hummus or warm spinach-artichoke dip and you’ve doubled the lifespan of your bagel! You’re a goddamn bagel hero.

The only thing wrong with this picture is the almost visceral reaction your body is having to it.

6. Did I mention that it’s also healthier?

Something about carbs, IDK. This really only applies if you don’t eat the scooped-out insides (or share them). So if you’ve been denying yourself bagels because they’re like a million calories, guess what! You can eat them again! Now they’re only half a million. And if you throw a vegetable or some lettuce on that thing, it’s practically a salad.

“This is the last salad I’ll ever eat out of a bowl!”

8. Enjoy the rest of your life.

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