1. Dear World,
I am not an expert on Hollywood and the pressures of being a teen sensation. I do not know Miley personally, and can not give you much insight into her life.
I am, however, 22 years old. While this doesn’t qualify me for pretty much anything except buying beer, it does make me exactly 2 years outside of the mindset of Ms. Cyrus. Some of you may be older than me, and have forgotten what being 20 is like. Some of you may be younger, and have never experienced it yourselves. Some of you may be exactly my age, but don’t care enough about Miley Cyrus to write a letter to BuzzFeed (P.S. I like you, keep doing what you’re doing). This letter is for everyone who incessantly posts pictures with captions like ‘Another Miley Shocker!’ or ‘Miley / Sinead Battle Gets Heated!’ Let me get to my point.
20-year-olds are assholes.
No, seriously, every single one of them. Complete douchebags. When you were 20 you were a douchebag. When I was 20 I was a douchebag. When you are 20, you will be a douchebag.
When you’re 20, it’s all about the attention. If you’re like me, and you’re from some horrible small town in Connecticut and no one could give fewer fucks about who you are, this stage in your life probably went completely unnoticed. You tried to be shocking. Or maybe you tried to just be SO damn good that people would pay attention. Either way, you were trying to get people to notice, and it probably never worked.
Miley is exactly like that. She is 20. She is a douchebag. Absolutely no disrespect for Ms. Cyrus is intended here- she has the right to act like an asshole all the time. The only difference between her and anyone else is that the whole friggen world is watching, and then posting about it on BuzzFeed. When I was 20, if I could have gotten the whole world to notice when I licked a hammer, I would have bought an entire Home Depot and licked every God damn piece of hardware in the store. She got the world to notice. And so hey, guess the fuck what?
She is going to continue licking shit.
So I pose here a simple solution- stop giving any fucks about what Miley does. If we, as a community, could just not friggen care for like, I don’t know, a month, maybe she would put some pants on. Maybe she would get the point that you’re all unsuccessfully trying to show her by feeding her already massive ego. Maybe she wouldn’t have her nipples out every 4 seconds. Maybe Billy Ray could sleep at night.
And this isn’t just for you BuzzFeeders. This is for Sinead O’Connor, and Kanye West, and every other celebrity who has ever talked to or about her.
Just let her lick shit and don’t fucking say anything. Because licking shit is completely pointless if no one says anything. I hear she’s a pretty smart girl, and I know that she will get this.
This message is also for Miley: Don’t let the haters bring you down. If not wearing pants really makes you happy, I propose you never wear pants again. Just don’t do it for the shock value. Do it for you. If you do what you want JUST for you, no one can hate on that. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your 21st birthday is coming up, right? After binge drinking for a few months, you’ll probably grow up a little. But hey, wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have to defend all that binge drinking? I mean I did it. But no one called me an alcoholic and blamed it on the media. They’re going to do that to you. So don’t take this as me telling everyone to ignore you. Take it as me telling everyone to let you do you, on your own terms.
That’s pretty much it. I hope someone reads this. Just any one fucking person reads this, and just stops caring. Even if it’s for a day.
Sending all my best to Miley,
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