1. Ungodly Grammar
There is no better way to provoke the vengeful ire of the internet than by butchering the Queen’s proper. It’s not too hard to differentiate between your and you’re, or their and there, and especially then and than, and it’s easier still to look it up if you’re unsure. Remember, there’s always somebody watching…
2. Hashtag Abuse
Hashtags are a privilege, and a damn useful one, so keep it short and sweet. They’re not for every single word in your post, just the relevant ones. #and is not going to link to anything.
3. The Selfie Plague
The occasional profile pic - fine. Doing something ridiculous? Great! But please, please, PLEASE don’t fill timelines to bursting with primping, pouting and preening. Don’t worry, no one has forgotten what you look like since yesterday.
4. The Fake Girlfriend
Most common on ol’ instagram, this sin is really a doozy. The worst part is, it’s hard to know the truth. Unbelievably embarassing, the fake girlfriend pic is a real blight on the world wide web.
5. That Moment When…
Oh man, this bad boy is so tired. It comes in many forms - sometimes it’s that awkward moment when, or that awesome moment when, but it’s annoying none the less. Be original. Think it through. Don’t use the same formula we’ve been using for an internet millennium (which is about 2 years in real time).
6. Not Liking Cyanide and Happiness
This bunch of crass, crude, irreverent cartoonists have been making the internet laugh since you could post Microsoft paint online. They are a stalwart, and their daily updates make millions laugh every single morning. So if you don’t know who they are, you’re dead to me. And most of the internet.
7. If You Remember This, You’re Childhood Was Awesome.
I have no idea why this one grates me so much. Perhaps it’s the wording. Perhaps it’s the fact that the thing remembered is so often something incredibly trivial and not awesome. Perhaps it’s the implied comparison between generations. I don’t know, but it’s crazy annoying so quit it, please.
8. Invitations to Like Pages
Inviting someone to like something is a really personal thing, and the number one rule of thumb is that they probably won’t like it unless they actually like it. For example, I’m not going to like a bridal store in Miami, because I don’t live in Miami, I’m not getting married and I’m not a lady. So why would I like that?