My Open Letter To US Airways

U.S. Airways, You Are the Paula Deen of Airline Companies

Dear US Airways:

Today, I missed the outbound leg of my roundtrip ticket. I understand that airlines have draconian policies regarding missed flights, and I was prepared to buy a new outgoing ticket. What I didn't expect was that, as a 'no show', US Airways would cancel both my outgoing flight (today) and my return flight (one week from today). Sure, I can reinstate my initial return flight, but this will cost more than booking a new one-way trip: a $200 'reinstatement fee' plus the not-insignificant amount that the price of the flight had increased. Essentially, because I missed one flight today, you canceled without permission or notice a different flight for a week from today. Now, I have to pay you hundreds of dollars to undo the cancellation you had no business doing in the first place.

You cannot possibly fail to see the irony in designating me as a 'no-show' for 'missing' a flight that won't even take off for another 168 hours.

Your representative explained, "Our policy is that if you miss the outgoing flight, you're not going to take the return flight." (At this point, presumably, she and her ilk joined hands with the customer service representatives at Comcast and, together, they danced upon the graves of my ancestors.) "You can't go back if you never got there, right? So, we assume that you have changed your mind about leaving."

Let me explain to you why this is some bullshit.

Assumption #1:

After missing the outbound flight, passengers are unable - through a combination of resourcefulness, not-being-stupid, and modern technology - to get to their initial destination before their return flights.

Here, US Airways, is a non-exhaustive list of methods that I could have used:

1. Kayak

Flickr: museemccordmuseum / Via Musée McCord Museum

2. Carthaginian War Elephant

heritage-history.com / Via Soldiers and Sailors by C. F. Horne

3. Rickshaw

Flickr: nationalmaritimemuseum / Via Marine Photo Service (c. 1935)

4. Megabus

upload.wikimedia.org / Via Wikimedia Commons

5. Dog Sled

Flickr: uw_digital_images / Via UW Digital Collections (c. 1901)

6. Another Airline

rudymaxa.com

I will fly home to the northeast United States via Air Malta, if it means that I will never have to deal with you again.

7. Woolly Mammoth**

Flickr: field_museum_library / Via The Field Museum Library (c. 1895)

8. Toyota Prius

upload.wikimedia.org / Via Wikimedia Commons

**Good eye, US Airways! Mammoths are extinct! There's no way I could make that flight if it was the only method available to me. But thank God for *all of modern transportation,* right?

Assumption #2:

thrillist.com / Via Giphy

Most airline travelers, upon missing their board time, shrug in resignation and say, "Well, I guess that's it for Bermuda! I'm so glad US Airways automatically canceled my whole itinerary and spared me the inconvenience of doing it myself!"

It's a good thing that you guys have consumer behavior data or something that validates this assumption. Otherwise, it might appear that you're trying to gouge customers by manufacturing inconveniences for the purpose of levying additional fees. It would be like if playground bullies, after stealing your lunch money, started charging for setting broken noses. Or if food network personalities continued hocking sugar-laden schlock to naive fans for three years following a diabetes diagnosis, to then profit from endorsing diabetes medications. US Airways, you are the Paula Deen of airline companies.

Sincerely,

Melissa, on behalf of everyone else who's ever missed a flight on your airline