15 Shakespearean Insults To Replace Your Boring Ones

Because sometimes “Bitch!” just doesn’t pack enough punch.

1. 1. “They lie deadly that tell you you have good faces.”

Translation: “GIRRRL, you UGLY.”

(Coriolanus)

2. 2. “This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh!”

Translation: “Fat-ass.”

(Henry IV)

3. 3. “I think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book.”

Translation: “You’re dumb as hell.”

(Troilus and Cressida)

4. 4. “Methinks’t thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.”

Translation: “DUDE, you SUCK.”

(All’s Well That Ends Well)

5. 5. “I desire we may be better strangers.”

Translation: “GTFO NOW.”

(As You Like It)

6. 6. “Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch.”

Translation: “Son of a bitch!”

(King Lear)

7. 7. “More of your conversation would infect my brain.”

Translation: “Shut the living hell up!”

(Coriolanus)

8. 8. “Thou art unfit for any place but hell.”

Translation: “Go to hell!”

(Richard III)

9. 9. “Thy words are blunt and so art thou.”

Translation: “DUMBASS.”

(Henry VI, Part II)

10. 10. “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.”

Translation: “Pig!”

(Henry V)

11. 11. “Sanctimonious pirate.”

Translation: “Pompous ass.”

(Measure for Measure)

12. 12. “No more brain than a stone.”

Translation: “Blockhead.”

(Twelfth Night)

13. 13. “Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all.”

Translation: “Lying bitch!”

(A Comedy of Errors)

14. 14. “Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit, for I am sick when I do look on thee.”

Translation: “Leave me alone or I will KICK YOUR ASS.”

(A Midsummer Night’s Dream)

15. 15. “Thou hast in thy skull no more brain than I have in mine elbows.”

Translate: “You are so FREAKING stupid!”

(Troilus and Cressida)

16. In conclusion, William Shakespeare = the original sass-master.

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