Gay icon.
Master of disguise.
Masturbation extraordinaire.
Shakespearean scholar.
Lover of everything frilly and pink.
Conflict wizard.
And hater of those who sniff belly buttons.
Ladies & gentleman, the late + great, fabulous & also outrageous, Anna Nicole Smith.
Anna Nicole taught us that food comes first.
The proper pronunciation of cabana.
Ask for help when you need it.
News?
Why?
And MASTURBATE. Always masturbate.
She was skeptical of the sun.
(Which is valid.)
She said that instead of working out you should paint.
(Which is valid.)
Penises ARE funny. You know, dick.
Tattoos hurt.
And posing IS fun.
Like a true legend, go to a tattoo parlor and force your assistant to get a tattoo of your face.
Love your paparazzi.
And also love your family.
Her talented + influential cousin, Cousin Shelley, fit right in.
QUEEN COUSIN SHELLEY, Y'ALL.
Anna also taught us to be open.
She didn't take any bullshit from Howard.
No matter what, get paid.
And even more importantly, avoid crawling through chairs because you'll probably get stuck.
Anna Nicole showed us its okay to suck on a pile of jello jigglies.
It's okay to fake an orgasm.
And its okay to know nothing...
... about nothing.
But seriously, in all honesty, Anna Nicole was genuine.
She was legitimately hilarious.
Like, really funny.
She knew why dogs were better than men.
And was also a modern day feminist.
To wrap things up...
Miss you, Anna Nicole. You were the best.
