1. Long ago, in the long forgotten olden days of 2002, there was Lizzie and there was Gordo.
There was also Miranda but she had many issues and way too much baggage.
4. Gordo was, as they said in the early 2000s, their coveted “guy friend.”
5. But Gordo had a secret that was mega obvious.
8. Through the course of many years, AKA 3 seasons and one major motion picture, he subtly dropped hints.
9. It was, to be honest, kind of painful.
10. BECAUSE WHEN YOU SEE TWO PEOPLE THAT ARE OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE, BUT AREN’T, IT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. THE. WORST.
11. There was that time he pulled a total FPJ in “She’s All That” and went to Lizzie’s house.
13. There was that time they danced around like old-timey late ’90s teens in a living room.
15. Lizzie never realized men like Gordo don’t actually exist.
16. And it pains my cold, dark heart she never realized this.
19. WHAT DREAM ARE MADE OF!!!
SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!?!?!
20. They made that insanely romantic + cute oath together.
21. And then proceded to have a fairly magical time even though Lizzie fell falsely and deceptively in love with that douchey Italian dude and took over his weird lady friend’s popstar identity.
22. Then, at the end, when Lizzie reveals that she’s actually Lizzie and not an Italian pop star that coincidently looked exactly like her, she looked at Gordo.
23. And BOOM. See that flash of lights. FIREWORKS, PEOPLE.
24. AND THE KISS? DO YOU DIE?!?!?!
DOOOO YOU DIEEE??