worldcup

Why Cristiano Ronaldo Needs To Cut The Shit And Take His Shirt Off Already

Enough.

1. WAHHHH WAHHH WAHHH. CRY CRY CRY. I’M A WIDDLE BABY.

2. WAHHHH LOOK AT MY SAD DROOPY BANGS.

3. WAHHHH I MISS MY DIAMOND STUDDED EARRINGS!

4. Well… LISTEN UP, BITCH.

5. WE. DON’T. GIVE. A. DAMN.

6. You are good for one thing.

7. * Makes protest signs. Moves to Brazil. Sets up tents outside some arena or on the beach or something. Begins Occupy Ronaldo movement. Doesn’t shower for days. Starts chant *

8. “WHAT DO WE WANT?”

9. “Biceps, triceps, nipples, chest, abs, and a nice hot back!”

Lars Baron / Getty Images

10. * CONTINUES CHANT *

11. “WE DEMAND”

12. “BICEPS, TRICEPS, NIPPLES, CHEST, ABS, AND A NICE HOT BACK.”

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

13. “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!”

14. “RIGHT. THE FUCK. NOW… or at least the next time you play soccer.”

Lars Baron / Getty Images

15. Because frankly we deserve it and you look like shit when you’re crying like a sad baby.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

16. And you look like a thousand times better with your shirt off.

Getty Images

17. And I can almost forget about those diamond studded earrings when you’re half naked.

19. #Freethenipple.

Lars Baron / Getty Images

20. And you know what, I’ll take an order of man on man action with that too please.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

21. Rub that chest. Thank you and goodnight.

Manuel Queimadelos / Getty Images

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