Embodying everything timeless and tasteful about the early 2000s, Coyote Ugly never quite got the praise and recognition it deserved. Unlike more “critically acclaimed” movies of the same time period like American Beauty (plastic bags lol), Cast Away (volleyballs, WILSOOOON, who cares, etc.), and My Big Fat Greek Wedding (blah blah blah Greek people), Coyote Ugly actually stands the test of time. In fact, it gets better with age. It’s really. fucking. good.
3. First of all, Coyote Ugly has an exceptional dual-meaning tagline: “Tonight, they’re calling the shots.”
They call the shots, they also pour them. That’s a play on words.
4. The movie was pretty much perfectly casted. Yes, that’s Tyra Banks. And you know you want to say it: Piper Perabo.
5. Piper Perabo. Piper Perabo. Piper Perabo. Just her name alone is fun to say.
Piper plays Violet.
6. Coyote Ugly, made in the time period known as “Peak Tyra,” is considered Tyra’s most important acting role.
7. Tyra’s most impressive scene happens early in the movie when she holds up a bottle of ketchup and commands the attention of the diner she’s in. After that, she dances.
8. Tyra’s Coyote Ugly impact can still be felt today. Pop star and chronic marijuana user Rihanna even included a line in her 2011 almost-big hit “Cheers.”
9. John Goodman also does a great job in the movie. He (of course and as usual) plays a father who is basically an adult baby who literally can’t take care of himself.
10. He depends on his daughter to feed, groom, and dress him.
11. But then Piper leaves him to follow her big dreams in the big city. He cries. She cries. It’s all so emotional.
12. So she moves to the city. She gets robbed. Her apartment is ransacked. Shit hits the fan.
13. That’s when Violet meets Lil (which is a really great name). Lil is a self-proclaimed “cast-iron heartless bitch.”
14. Lil refers to penises as “2-year-old children.”
That is absolutely brilliant.
15. In an unexpected move, Lil gives her an audition.
16. Violet agrees. Everything in the film is about to really ramp up.
17. Fast-forward to later that night, we get to the bar and immediately find out our most burning question: What exactly is a “coyote ugly”?
19. Then a bunch of women pour pitchers of water over themselves.
21. It should also be said that Tyra really shines in these scenes.
Then Lil delivers one of her most famous, well-known, and iconic lines…
24. “Jim, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny Black, and Jose; all my favorite men. You can have it any way you like it, as long as it’s in a shot glass.”
The dialogue in this movie is just great.
25. After her first night, Piper and her new friend Cammie “the Russian tease,” go out for a new wardrobe.
26. That’s when we really see just how hard the costume designers worked.
27. Love it.
28. I almost forgot Kevin, the extremely hot Australian dude with a butt chin.
29. He plays a really convincing hot guy.
30. Kevin lies to Violet in the beginning and tells her he’s the owner of a bar. She gives him her tape (lol). She finds out he’s lying and is really pissed.
31. He chases after her. She plays coy.
We’re all like, “Just get it in, girl.”
32. Meanwhile, Violet is becoming a budding song writer. We’re routing for her, though she is shy.
We’re all like, “Snap out of it, girl! SING YOUR SONG!”
33. Kevin reappears. He makes up his earlier faults by auctioning himself off. The middle-aged women in the scene are especially believable as they are particularly horny.
34. Then there are these gratuitously hot scenes of him shirtless on the bar.
35. The scene gets particularly hot (yet frustrating) when he begins to take his pants off.
We get partial underwear line.
36. There’s also the scene where Violet famously sprays the fire commissioner. “HELL NO H-2-0. OH WAIT, THAT’S THE FIRE COMMISSIONER.”
37. So yeah, Kevin is really hot and you want to see them bang the whole time.
38. He is so charming and witty and Australian.
39. They watch the sunrise on the water which is actually impossible but who cares it just works.
40. Finally, they end up doing it in front of a cardboard cutout of Bill Clinton.
41. The next day she plays the keyboard naked. He convinces her to share her talent.
42. Oh yeah, he wakes up like this. It’s kind of frustrating but there is some slight pube action going on.
43. Then there’s drama.
44. Then her dad gets hit by a car.
46. The movie finishes with Piper’s first concert. Piper plays the piano. We watch her overcome her biggest fear.
48. Then John Goodman dances on top of the bar.
49. All is great, though slightly awkward.
50. Lastly, I haven’t even mentioned this song. “Can’t Fight the Moonlight” is the most underrated and underappreciated motion picture anthem of the past 15 years. The song was criminally robbed a Best Original Song nomination at the 2001 Academy Awards.
SO THERE’S THAT TOO. Basically, A+ movie. Truly underrated. It’s art.
Correction: I messed up the way John Goodman got hurt. He didn’t have a heart attack, he got hit by a car. DUH.