Goddess among teens and middle-aged men pretending to be teens, Ja’mie King knows a thing or 40 about boys, having people like you, fashion, and most importantly: being fucking hot.
In 2013, Ja’mie switched up her look and really came into her own. As a beacon of charity + hope, Ja’mie taught us lesser beings her wise ways.
1. First of all, tits. Take them out for the boys.
2014 is all about tits.
3. Have anal sex.
This is your year to finally give it a shot.
4. If you do something bad, run away and pretend like you had nothing to do with it.
6. Be a semi-slut.
4 words: GET. THOSE. DICK. PICS.
8. If it’s your parents, threaten them with your own pregnancy.
10. Be random.
You never know what may come your way.
11. Accidents happen, except when they involve someone else’s fingers in your vagina.
…but don’t limit yourself. There will always be dick.
14. Play with your hair while casually threatening someone.
It’s intimidating and slightly psychotic.
17. People have different senses of humor than you do. If they don’t have your sense of humor…
You should push them, then tell them to build a bridge and get over it.
18. Bite your father’s shoulder when you want something from him.
It’s so creepy and odd that it works every time.
19. Get your friends on medication who have always needed it.
20. Get rid of that boy who is not worthy of your time and still rides a bike.
24. Become in sync with your body.
…but keep them in line. They will be jealous of you, especially if you’re hot.
26. Judge people based on what kind of school they went to.
Here’s to 2014 being the best year yet!