For those of you that have been apparently living under a rock in some perfect utopian pre-Ryan and Eva are HAVING A BABY world, then I’m sorry to burst your God damn bubble. Reality is a bitch and we have to fucking face it.
LET ME START OFF BY SAYING, I wouldn’t wish this on ANYONE…
… ON ANYONE!
BUT WHAT CAN WE DO?! NOTHING.
NOW THAT BEING SAID…
The following is a list of things that are way better than them having a baby together…
2. Dressing and styling your hair like Billy Ray Cyrus for a year.
3. Dressing and styling your hair like Ryan Seacrest in the mid-2000s for like 3 years.
4. Becoming addicted to smoking coffee in order to get a caffeine high.
6. Getting your head pushed into a Burger King toilet by a strange man.
9. Having Hugh Jackman’s long hair forever. Also those pants.
10. Calling 911 80 times demanding Kool-Aid, hamburgers, and weed.
12. Being Sisqo.
14. Being put into a headlock by a shirtless Fat Joe.
17. Getting punched by a 346 pound man for forgetting his garlic knots.
18. Being a virgin kissing on national TV for the first time.
19. Non-ironically wearing JC Chasez’s jacket.
25. And lastly, having to go back to middle school and perpetually living there.
Life sucks and the world is such a harsh place.