1. I want to talk about Christina Aguilera’s music video for “I Turn To You” because I never realized it’s an anthem for moms and frantic teens and this is an important cultural artifact because this is before Bionic destroyed her career.
2. And you know this video. It’s Christina in this blown-out background being all dramatic with her hands and face and everything.
3. And she walks down the street in the rain with an umbrella. Typical Christina basic bullshit.
4. But did you ever realize there’s a separate storyline about a frantic teen being waaay overdramatic about a little accident and her mom giving her warm tea? Because it is.
5. These lyrics are about a mom! A mom!
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that’s true
I turn to you.
Let’s recap. The following are actual gifs from the music video.
6. So here’s the hero. Mom. Let’s call her Bev. Bev is worried about her daughter. Let’s call her daughter Candy.
7. Candy is driving around being a dramatic teen when she gets hit by a car.
11. Meanwhile, Christina Aguilera is in a small town walking in the middle of traffic.
12. “Here’s a giant white towel. This will protect you from the pouring rain.”
16. And Christina is still walking in the goddamn traffic.
18. Candy is driven home. She recaps the accident to Bev.
19. Bev speaks: “Oh lookie here my Candy girl. Here’s a cup of warm tea to soothe ye’ mood.”
20. Candy laughs because she realizes she’s just a really bad driver and an overdramatic puffy teen.
21. Then more shots of Christina being over-singery/dramatic.
23. Candy and Bev embrace. Candy’s hair is permanently wet. It’s a teen thing.
EVERYONE’S HAPPY. THE END.
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