Celebrity

The 33 Most Jizz-Worthy Moments In Ryan Gosling’s 33 Years On Earth

Happy birthday, Ryan! Now come with me.

1. Our lit’ral wet dream begins in 2004. The Notebook. You’re in a creepy-ass old house that was definitely haunted. It doesn’t matter. Your loins. They are awakened. You are alive.

New Line Cinema

2. That beard. That hair. That rain. That sweet, sweet pure sex.

New Line Cinema

3. Those arms. His hands. The sweat. That fact that he’s about to get it in.

New Line Cinema

4. Ooooof.

New Line Cinema

5. Swimming in that armpit. Playing in that rain.

GQ

6. Getting that unleaded. Pumping that gas.

FameFlyNet

7. That grin almost makes you forget about the Kate Gosselin thing happening on the back of his head.

Getty Images/ Sean Gallup

8. The subtle yet soft + sweet touch of the chest. I like it when you’re gentle.

Getty Images/ Jason Merritt

9. I also like when you look at me like that. Very nice.

Getty Images/ Jason Merrit

10. The blue suit. Had a a lot of fun with that.

Getty Images/ Andreas Rentz

11. *Cover my face and light my loins*

Getty Images/ Vittorio Zunino Celotto

12. *Loins burn*

Getty Images/ Vittorio Zunino Celotto

13. Those glasses. That beard. YOU BEAST.

Getty Images/ Ian Gavan

14. *Makes a mess of myself because of that face*

Getty Images/ Frazer Harrison

15. *SHIT. I DID IT AGAIN. I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT*

Getty Images/ Andreas Rentz

16. Screams: “THAT FAAAAAAAACE.”

Getty Images/ Ian Gavan

17. *THE GREEN FUCKING SUIT*

Getty Images/ Kevin Winter

18. *GEORGE FUCKING CLOONEY*

Getty Images/ Kevin Winter

19. *THAT FUCKING APPLE*

FameFlyNet

20. ;FJKAJKLDFLJKA;SDFJLA;SLKDF;LAKSDF

FameFlyNet

21. This was the first time you realized you could get into feet.

FameFlyNet

22. This was the time you developed your full-on foot fetish.

FameFlyNet

23. And here’s the time you realized you were into ankles as well.

Getty Images/ Theo Wargo

24. Oh, and that time in baggage claim. You have NEVER looked so good and pleasant, baggage claim.

FameFlyNet

25. Shit.

Warner Bros.

26. That time he looked up and his veins bulged and your veins bulged and yeah.

FameFlyNet

27. This was one of those times where it was like, “HOW ARE YOU EVEN REAL?”

FameFlyNet

28. Also this time.

FameFlyNet

30. Oooooof.

GQ

31. Ahhhhhhh.

Warner Bros.

32. And for these last two moments we will look at these very important photos. Here’s the first.

Hunting Lane Films

33. And here’s the second.

Hunting Lane Films

And I’m finished. *Lights a cig*

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