Promoted

For Everyone Who Believes “She’s All That” Gave You Completely Unrealistic Expectations About Prom

The story of your prom. NOT.

1. JESUS CHRIST. Look how dorky and weird and hideous and untouchable you were!

2. LOL YOU WERE SO WEIRD AND UGLY!!!!!

3. There is like a 0% chance ANYONE would ever talk to you. You are destined to a life of solitude with a falafel sandwich on your head!

4. JK BECAUSE YOU ARE ACTUALLY REALLY, REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

5. All you had to do was pluck your eyebrows and take off your glasses, duh!

6. Now this guy…

7. Literally the hottest guy on the planet in 1999…

8. FREDDIE FUCKING PRINZE JR.

9. *LITERALLY WET RIGHT NOW*

10. Sooo, get this, he wants to take you to prom. It’s a bet, but who cares because it’s FREDDIE FUCKING PRINZE JR.

11. He doesn’t even care that you’re a dumpy loser with ugly glasses and bushy eyebrows!

12. So you hang with him because duh.

13. He takes you to the beach with his friends Paul Walker and Lil’ Kim.

14. AND YOU WEAR A ONE-PIECE. HA HA YOU ARE SO DUMB.

15. He takes you to a party and you walk in heels for the first time.

16. And that’s when he realizes how hot you are because you plucked your eyebrows and took off your glasses.

17. Then he watches you paint. You paint because you’re really weird.

18. THEN HE KISSES YOU. LIKE WHAT?!?!?!

19. FREDDIE PRINZE JR. is really starting to like you. He’s even willing to get in a fight with Paul Walker over you.

20. Aw. He’s in love. He totally wants to take you to prom!

21. JUST KIDDING YOU WERE A BET AND YOU WENT WITH PAUL WALKER AND LEFT. Meanwhile, FREDDIE PRINZE JR. has a miserable time and realizes how shitty he was.

22. Oh yeah, Usher is the DJ because that’s totally realistic.

23. And everyone erupts into a choreographed dance because DUH IT’S PROM EVERYONE KNOWS THE SAME DANCE.

24. It’s no big deal. Totally normal.

25. So then he leaves prom. You’re at home. You decided not to go. FREDDIE PRINZE JR. is basically in love with you.

26. You have your own prom in your backyard with really cute lights. You say something witty because you are really clever.

27. He admits he’s wrong.

28. You realize you’re really dumb for not going to actual, real prom with FREDDIE PRINZE JR.

29. Then you kiss the hottest man on the planet circa 1999. It is perfect.

30. Life is cruel. Your prom was lame. Freddie Prinze Jr. will never be at your graduation wearing a volleyball.

THE END.

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