Ryan Gosling’s Divine Bulge Will Bring You Salvation

BE SAVED.

1. Our hallowed journey begins with Ryan being led into a jail. He is pushed against a wall. Hands behind his gorgeous head, his flawless nose blesses the wall. He spreads them. It is so, so hot.

2. His biceps bulge. Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock. The grenade is about to detonate. A fuckload of sexy is about to explode all over the place.

3. He’s asked to take it off. Take it off, Ryan. DO IT. GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT.

4. He smiles. He knows what he’s about to do will change people. Things will never be the same. People are about to be saved.

5. Jesus. Christ. Almighty. He begins. It’s happening. IT’S REALLY, ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

6. THE BELT IS UNDONE. I REPEAT, THE BELT IS UNDONE.

7. Seemingly out of nowhere, there are cries. It’s angels. They are weeping. The angels are weeping.

8. BLUE UNDERWEAR. BLUE. UNDERWEAR. UNDERWEAR THAT IS BLUE.

9. OHHHH MYYYYY BULGE SILHOUETTE. THE ANGELS ARE WAILING UNCONTROLLABLY.

10. *HAIL HOLY QUEEN*

11. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

12. GOD IS GOOD. SO SO GOOD.

13. AND IN THIS MOMENT YOU TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT HOW DUMB HE LOOKS WITH THAT HORRIBLE DYED BLOND HAIR.

14. THIS MOMENT ECLIPSES THAT TERRIFYING BLOND HAIR.

15. AHHHHHHHHH!!

16. THEY’RE OFF. THEY. ARE. OFF.

17. THE SKIES OPEN UP. IT IS BRIGHT. VERY BRIGHT. BEAM ME UP, JESUS.

18. BEHOLD, HE HATH GLORY.

19. HE ALSO HATH A SUGGESTIVE PENIS CREASE!

20. AND THE ANGELS SANG. GOD SMILED. WORLD PEACE. NO MORE PAIN. *AHHHHHHHH* (GOD SOUND)

21. IT WAS ABS. ONLY ABS. LOTS OF ABS.

22. AND HE LOOKED ON.

24. JUST HOW FLAWLESS HE WAS.

25. EVEN WITH THAT HAIRCUT…

26. …AND THOSE STUPID TATTOOS.

27. I AM BORN AGAIN. I BELIEVE. THE END.

H/t to The Frisky. Oh yeah, this was from a deleted scene from A Place Beyond the Pines. Gos Bless.

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