1. *DING DONG. DING DONG.* CHURCH SERVICES ARE BEGINNING.
2. Prepare thy body.
4. On the 8th of September, two thousand and thirteen, our high priestess, Ms. Spears, tweeted a bikini shot from the set of her new music video for her future #1 smash, “Werk Bitch.”
5. BOOM. THE RAPTURE BASICALLY HAPPENS.
SHE LOOKS AMAZING.
6. This commences today’s church services. Carry on and keep the Holy Spearit with you.