Love how he breaks out into random stories.

I know our government can't forcibly sterilize people. But couldn't we buy their fertility from them? I have little doubt this kid would willingly have a vasectomy for a hundred thousand dollars. Money well spent, IMHO.

Yelp reviews in text message form? God help us all!

More evidence that we should be handing out condoms like fucking candy to high schoolers. Maybe even middle schoolers, because apparently if you're still a virgin at 15 now you're a late bloomer!

This is why I couldn't teach high school without arm-and-leg restraints, a large supple of sharp metal slivers and a pair of pliers, a full-stream fire hose, a lifetime supply of pepper spray, a dildo covered with shards of broken glass, and immunity from prosecution.

I gotta say, it's at least a pretty entertaining story.

Sweet Moses, I hope this kid never procreates.