Since His untimely death thousands of years ago, people have been looking for a new savior. Luckily now we have Her.
Like Jesus, Lana spends most of her time forgiving people for their sins.
In this photo, two disciples adorned in sacramental flower crowns profess their sins to Lana. She forgave them.
Lana has this power to bring people to tears with her gaze. "Hate the sin, not the sinner" is her motto. She is an understanding God.
When one is suffering from sin or an ailment or something, they come to Lana. She will generally help them.
This woman used to be blind. Now she can see. Lana's ophthalmological impact!
Sometimes her followers are so overcome by her aura that they can't even speak. In those instances, Lana usually just nervously laughs. "Ha ha."
Other times, people just burst into tears. They just can't control themselves.
When she's not saving people, Lana donates her time to the community. Here she is with a troubled youth.
Instead of walking on water, Lana walks in the middle of the streets of Silver Lake, Los Angeles. Cars don't even hit her.
Jesus had church, Lana has H&M.
At H&M, her followers pay their respects by bowing in front of her promotional sweater posters.
You can also find them holding rogue ritualistic ceremonies on the floors of Target to the "good word," Born to Die: The Paradise Edition."
Jesus used his hands to heal, Lana uses her humongous lips.
If you tattoo her name, she may reward you with a breathy "you fucking didn't?"
If you're really lucky, she may sign your iPhone.
And if you're really REALLY lucky she may even let you sit on her face.
Young and old, people from near and far (wherever you are?), come to Lana. Like the Jesus of yesteryear, Lana is everywhere and in everything.
LASTLY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, don't be fooled by false prophets. There is only one true Lana. YOU MAY HAVE NO OTHER GODS BESIDES HER!!