1. Dear friends, it’s time to cut the shit and talk about something really, truly important that hasn’t gotten the praise it deserves. That thing is the cinematic classic and grossly underrated film known as Selena.
2. Selena is important for nearly infinite reasons. Not only is it Jennifer Lopez’s crowning, iconic achievement, but it’s also the greatest biopic of all time. Yes, you read that correctly — it is THE GREATEST BIOPIC OF ALL TIME.
3. First off, let’s talk about how crazy insanely similar Jennifer Lopez looked to the one true queen, Selena Quintanilla-Pérez.
4. Like how even? Is this voodoo? Were there witch doctors involved? How?
5. But nope, it’s not just that Jennifer Lopez looked straight up clone-like similar to Selena. It’s that J.Lo acted the fuck out of this role!
6. Before I get too far ahead of myself, let’s begin at the beginning with mini-Selena.
7. Mini-Selena’s performance was subtle perfection. A dreamer at heart, mini-Selena got it. She was definitely a passable mini copy of the larger, older Selena.
8. Also this quote is IT:
9. “Selena! What are you doing here?… I’m looking up at the moon and I’m dreaming… It’s like when I’m up onstage, I feel like I can be anything I want to be.”
10. This is also when we’re introduced to Selena’s asshole-esque stage dad. He did a great job of playing a controlling asshole stage dad that made his kids live out his dreams for him. His tinted glasses helped. Great styling here!
11. So yeah, they grow up and mini-Selena turns into larger Selena, aka Jennifer Lopez. We meet the fam.
12. We fall in love with her sister. Those overalls and denim hat. A supremely underrated minor character.
13. Then we get our first truly great musical moment: Selena singing the cumbia medley. This is so important.
14. At this same time, Selena’s father says one of the movie’s most crucial quotes…
15. It goes like this:
Father Selena: You were out there wearing a bra!
Selena Quintanilla: It’s not a bra, it’s a bustier!
Father Selena: It’s a bra with little sprinkly things on it!
16. So then, as you know, Selena’s career skyrockets and the movie really gets into gear. Like it gets really really good. I mean, look at those facial expressions. THE ACTING, PEOPLE. THE ACTING!
17. Jennifer Lopez’s performance of “Como la Flor” is worthy of an Academy Award in and of itself. The iconicness!
18. And the whisper. Do you die every time?
19. So yeah, I’m also forgetting about her ponytailed BF Chris. The sweet bad boy who catches you off guard. He taught us just because you have a ponytail doesn’t make you a bad guy!
20. Chris causes drama. Jennifer acts. It’s all good. The raw emotion in these scenes is real. You can feel it.
21. On to another extraordinary performance. Ladies and gentlemen, “Bidi Bidi Bom Bom.”
22. The cap, the hoop earrings, the STUDDED BUSTIER. Jesus, it’s perfect.
23. And here’s what you’ve been waiting for, “Salinas.” The most pivotal, noteworthy, and essential word in the movie.
25. Then there’s this scene with that wack ass woman who is rude and racist as hell to Selena.
26. Like, what, do you even know who you’re talking to?
29. OK so love flourishes. A true love story! The movie moves really fast. Selena is owning. it.
33. And it all culminates in this calming, chill recording of “I Could Fall In Love.” Chills. So many chills.
34. Then we meet this evil, soulless, jealous, insane fan club president nightmare, Yolanda. We’re not wasting any time on this waste of space. The inevitable happens.
35. And the ending. That ending. The tears. The candles. The vigil. Oof. Painful. The most important movie ending of our time!
36. That rose. This movie. The tears. It’s all perfect. Best biopic of all time.
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