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Celebrity

15 Reasons We Must Liberate Little Jon Hamm

THIS IS IMPORTANT. Also NSFW-ish.

Producers of this season of Mad Men have told the NYDN that they have insisted Jon Hamm wear underwear. A source says, “This season takes place in the 1960s, where the pants are very tight and leave little to the imagination. Jon’s impressive anatomy is so distracting that they politely insisted on underwear.”

And that’s bullshit. Jon Hamm shouldn’t have to wear underwear if he doesn’t want to. Here’s why:

15. Historical accuracy is dumb and irrelevant when we’re talking about Jon Hamm’s dong.

14. Yeah, it glows… but it’s just a penis.

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Big “whoop.”

13. It’s not like people in the ’60s didn’t have big dongs. If you had a big dong, then you had a big dong. Who cares?

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12. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little dong.

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11. It’s natural. Penises are natural.

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10. Hundreds of years from now we’re going to look back at this and be like, “Wow, we were dumb. That was embarrassing.”

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9. Because it’s discrimination.

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You can’t just discriminate against big dongs.

8. It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose.

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7. Photoshopping sends a negative image about penis size to the youth of today.

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6. It also sends the body acceptance movement back like 8 years or something.

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5. Like literally 1/2 of the world’s population is very familiar with penises because they have one.

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4. Lying is bad.

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3. It’s cruel and unusual to the viewer. You are denying them truth and beauty.

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2. It just isn’t cool.

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1. Has anyone even asked what the penis thinks?

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Because I’m pretty sure it isn’t okay with this.

Jamie Squire / Getty Images

In conclusion,

STAND WITH THE HAMMS.

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LIBERATE THE LITTLER ONE.

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