10 Totally Legitimate Reasons Why A Sloth Should Be The Next Pope

This is the future, people.

1. Imagine how funny/cute it would be to see people praying like this…

Jessica Rinaldi / Reuters

… with this:

2. An important job for the Pope is to make people cry.

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

And sloths make people cry, too. Crying over cuteness >>> crying over sin.

3. The pictures at the Vatican would be like a million times better.

Tony Gentile / Reuters
Tony Gentile / Reuters

Upgrade! Much better.

4. Most popes totally look like frilled lizards.

This potato looks like a sloth.

Automatically better.

5. Sloths have way cuter friends.

Gregorio Borgia / AP

Ugh, not cute.

Sloths friends are other sloths.

No explanation needed here.

6. News from the Vatican would be much better/more interesting.

7. Old shirts were totally lame (it says “Thank you, Holiness”):

ALESSANDRO BIANCHI / Reuters

8. New shirts would be totally fab (it says “Thank you, Holiness” buuut with a picture of a sloth)

9. Okay, now being totally superficial. I’m sorry, but this is way cuter…

10. Most importantly, THEY WOULD WEAR LITTLE POPE HATS.

THE END. MAKE THE POPE A SLOTH ALREADY. AND I’M SORRY YOU READ THIS.

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